Chapter 1

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As I sit outside the principals office, I can't help but feel utter disgust and shame over what I just did. What was that? I don't...act like that. I can't act like that. But it felt so good! But it shouldn't have. I should be ashamed, be disgusted with myself over my actions, yet I just can't.

The principal, Mr. Grant and the school counselor, Ms. Jansson are appearently talking over this incident along with the caretaker of the foster care home I live at, Ms. Campbell. Can't stand the lady. She isn't particularly mean, but you can see it in her eyes she isn't very fond of kids and only does her job because of the government money she gets. Ms. Campbell has red curly hair, which she always puts in a bun. She has a fair amount of wrinkles on her indicating her age of 58. She always wears glasses, although her vision isn't half as bad as mine.

Soon enough they call me in. I can't help but feel nervous because I figure they'll just yell at me. When I step in, I find a chair and sit. God I wish my mother could be here right now. She at least would make me feel comfortable. I fidget around for a bit and Mr. Grant starts to speak. "Young lady, are you aware-" "Yes." I say automatically. "Excuse me?" "Nothing sir." He takes a moment then continues. "Young lady, are you aware that what you did could cause you to become expelled from our school?" "Yes." I say in monotone. "Are you aware that Miss Swartz could potentially sue the school for the argument you just had?" "Oh please! I didn't do shit! Not like I could carry out the threat!" "All that matters is that you threatened someone in school, and matters like this we take very seriously." I can't help but humph. I just sit somewhat angry until they mention something.

"We might, unless you talk to Miss J here 3 times a week, have to expell you from our school." What? Expell? As in, you can't come back here? As tempting as that sounds, I know I shouldn't say anything. I know damn well that not being here would only end any chance of a future I had. Oh screw it, diploma or not, I doubt I'll go anywhere.

"No." "Excuse me young-" "Don't you young lady me! I am not some little puppet on a bunch of strings you can control anymore! Fuck that! You wanna know why I threatened that bitch? Because she tripped me down the fucking stairs! And she isn't the only one who's done that kind of shit! I get treated like SHIT by you people, and you expect me to be ok with it all because I'm a kid? No, screw you I'm out!" I walk out of the school rather furious and just wait for Ms. Campbell to come get me.

She comes out and instantly grabs my arm. Not too hard, but I can tell she's pissed. Once we finally get to the orphanage, which is a 5 minute walk away, she orders me to my room until dinner. Most of the kids ignore me as I go upstairs. That's usually how it works. I'm either ignored all day, or treated like shit and then ignored. I hate my life.

I go to my room and close the door, and cry. Just...UGH. What did I DO? I just wanna be left alone! Is that too hard to ask for? I didn't do anything! I'm pretty much left alone for the rest of the day until dinner. And even then no one bothers to ask how I'm doing. Sigh...whatever. Can't stand these brats. When I go back upstairs for bed, I hear Ms. Campbell says tomorrow people will show up to adopt. Great. Just another day where I'll be unwanted. Fuck me. Fuck my life. Fuck everything.

As I cry, I can't help but just be really pissed off. I don't do anything! Nothing! Argh...as I'm about ready to start throwing shit, I see my iPod on my little desk. Sigh...at least I have my music for company. Music seems to be my only friend these days. I wouldn't have it any other way. Soon I fall asleep, with Andy biersack singing savior in my dreams.

"When I hear your cries praying for light, I will be there, when I hear your cries praying for light, I will be there. I will always be there, I will fight. Yeeeaaaahh." Sigh...I wish. Of course things like that can't happen can they? Oh well.

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