ocean eyes [r.lupin]

[4] Lakeside Encounters

Remus turned to look at the clock on his bedside table, five o'clock. He sighed and rolled over, he never slept well in the week leading up to a full moon.

Only three days to go. He told himself. Once his furry little problem was out of the way he'd be able to sleep better. But only for a couple of weeks, and then the nightmare would start all over again. He sighed, having long since come to terms with his lycanthropy, but he did still wonder how different things would be...

No, he scolded himself for thinking this way. As his mother had always told him, it didn't make good sense to dwell on what ifs. Life had dealt him this hand and he would do with it what he could. Finally accepting that he wasn't going to get any more sleep, he slipped out of bed and made his way down into the common room, grabbing his notebook as he left.

Sitting down in the plushest armchair he could find; if he wasn't going to sleep he may as well still be comfy; he flipped open the book to his most recent entry.

Tallulah spoke to me again today. God I'm pathetic, why do I feel the need to document every conversation I have with her? Probably so I don't forget them, like I ever could. Padfoot's right, I am like a stalker. If she even read half the stuff that's in here she'd run away screaming. Then again, that's not the only thing about me that would make her run.

I wonder if I'll ever tell her about my 'furry little problem'. It's unlikely, since it took me six years to even be able to speak to her properly. And I'd still barely call them conversations, they're very stilted. I don't get the impression that she's very practised at small talk, and I find it difficult to get my words out around her. She's so fucking beautiful, I almost can't believe it every time I look at her. But it's not just that, I mean there's plenty of beautiful girls here. There's just something about her...I don't know what it is but clearly it turns my brain to mush. It's quite annoying actually.

She told me today that she's staying at school for Christmas, I think she does most years. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel happy when she told me that, since I am too. Mum's back in the hospital and dad is working on Christmas Day. I don't know though, will I even see her since lessons aren't on? At risk of sounding like a complete sap, I think it would be hard knowing she's in the same building as her but not being able to see her.

Creepy fucking stalker!!!!!

She also laughed at a joke I told her. Well, her version of a laugh, that thing she does with her nose. I can't even remember what the joke was now, I felt like I might pass out when it happened.

Maybe, if I'm not feeling like a coward, I'll sit next to her at Christmas dinner? It's all well and good saying that now when I'm alone, but it's an entirely different story when I'm actually in front of her. I forget how to speak. Prongs says it's endearing but in reality I feel like it just makes me look like a half-wit. What she must think of me...

No that's it. Here's my resolution, and I'm writing it down here so I can't go back on it, I'm going to stop being such a bloody coward. She's just a person, a very beautiful person in fairness, but she's not going to...bite.

Even Wormtail would have to admit that was quite funny.

Also, must remember to have a chat with Dorcas. I keep putting it off, but she's my friend. There's another example of me being a coward. Some bloody Gryffindor.

Remus smiled as he read, remembering the promise that he'd made to himself. It was true that he needed to stop being such a yellow-belly. It was his last year at school, what was the worst that could happen? He surely couldn't leave without being the one to initiate at least one conversation with her. He couldn't help thinking that The Marauders would be proud of him if they knew what he was thinking.