ghosts {jj&emily}

in my veins

When I was 15, after I had gotten an abortion, I started getting messages. Notes left in my room about it and I had no idea from who. As we moved around more, it was apparent that I had a stalker.

They weren't nonviolent either. I was always ordered to do things or else they would hurt someone I love.

My life changed when I was 19. I had one best friend, Alex. I was left a note to drop out of college or they were going to hurt somebody I loved.

I had no idea what to do, I didn't want to throw my life away for petty notes I'd been receiving. I'd never been physically assaulted by this stalker, and neither had the people I loved. I also didn't have many friends in college, so I figured everybody was safe.

Two weeks later, Alex showed up dead.

I won't ever forgive myself. He is dead because of me. His family will suffer forever because of me.

After that, my stalker disappeared for the longest time. Until a week ago.

There was a note on my car door, that read I'm back.

I would not be able to live anymore if they did something to JJ.

I flew to Italy under a new identity, and was determined to buckle down and find out who this person was.

It would take years, but I made a promise to myself to that I wouldn't return home until they were dead.

Until I killed them.

I sat at the empty table in my new apartment, pouring myself a glass of vodka. I took out a picture of Jennifer I always kept in my wallet.

She was the reason my heart was still beating. It's the little things about her that bring my to my knees. Her fingertips, the music she plays in the car, that stupid thing she did with her eyes when she was holding back something she wanted to say.

I clenched my fist and slammed it on the table. My chest tightened as boiling tears flew down my cheeks.

I let out a scream and threw my glass at the wall, it fell to the floor and shattered. I kicked the wall and started punching it, my shoulders convulsing as I continued to sob.

I had nobody anymore; I was completely alone in the world.

She was all I ever wanted, and we couldn't be together without her life being endangered.

Choking on my sobs, I grabbed the picture of Jennifer and ran to the bathroom. I tore it up into pieces, throwing it in the toilet and flushing.

Anything that tied her to me needed to be destroyed.

I couldn't imagine the pain that she was going through at that given moment, and all that I wanted to do was hold her. To make the pain go away.

"I love you," I whispered, collapsing to the floor. "I love you so much."