Junkie. |18+|

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He came. 

He ran from his house to Sam's apartment and found me crying by myself in my car. 
He held me as I cried and screamed. 

I never hated myself as much as I did in that moment. 

All of the stupid shit I had put myself through with the drugs, all of the people I let down, breaking my mothers heart, selling our antiques from the attic, helping the love of my life shoot up, getting her pregnant, letting her leave. 

And the worst fucking thing I could have done was go behind Gemma's back and fuck her best friend for drugs. 

Eventually I calmed down enough so that Jimin and I could switch seats, he drove to my house in silence. 

We didn't talk about it.
At all. 
I was thankful for that. 

The next morning Jimin and my mom took me to the rehab center. We all cried, hugged, and Jimin even kissed my cheek making me laugh as I walked in the front doors. 

Rehab was an experience I'll never forget. 

I met a lot of people, all different ages, and colors, and from different backgrounds. 

They each had their own story, they each had their own reasons for doing drugs or seeking different vices. 
I met other people just like me. 
Alone
Lonely
Sad
Just wanted to be accepted and put themselves in stupid situations just to feel some form of acceptance. 

I found out a lot about myself. 

Addiction usually stems from some sort of underlying mental illness, in my case I had anxiety, and depression. 
It went undiagnosed, and what I did was self medicate. 

I thought I was just having a good time. 
But obviously that wasn't the case. 

I spoke to therapist, after therapist to find answers. We had group therapy everyday where we sat in a circle and shared our stories, it was nice to feel accepted without doing something reckless or stupid. 
I was just me. 
Jungkook. 
Former Junkie. 

I was in rehab for six months before I finally felt comfortable enough to go home. They felt like they had helped me to the best of their abilities, and I felt like I was strong enough to make good decisions moving forward. 

I had even gained my weight back. I looked just as healthy as I did before the drugs consumed me and stripped me of everything. 

Mom and Jimin were waiting for me at the doors, I smiled and ran to them. I picked my mom up and spun her around as I kissed her cheeks over and over, once I put her on her feet I did the same to Jimin as tears fell down my face. I kissed him all over and thanked him for being the best thing that ever happened to me. 

Once we got settled in the car Jimin reached up front and handed me an envelope 

"What's this?"
"Its from Gemma" 

My heart raced as I ripped the envelope open 
It was pages and pages of notebook paper written front and back with words for me. 

My heart cramped as I started to read them to myself. 

The last bit hit me harder than anything as I smiled wide. 

"These last few months without you, I felt like I was missing the other half of myself. I know we fucked up. I know we almost ruined our lives. And now that I'm sober and thinking clearly, I'm still in love with you. Maybe even more now than I ever was. I can't wait for you to be sober and healthy so we can be together again. I miss you Kookie. I hope you'll still accept me when you come home. I hope we can still be us. 
Just a better version. 
I can't picture my life without you. 
Truly yours forever,
Gemma xoxo" 

In the note she talked about the abortion, I felt sad. I wish I could have held her hand and been there for her like I was supposed to be. 

She also added in her letter the fact that Sam had reached out to her and explained what happened when I went over there. She blatantly told Gemma that she had taken advantage of the situation, and that I had put a stop to it. 

She forgave me. 

She forgave Sam too. 

That's another thing I always loved about Gemma, she was so accepting and understanding. 

I went home that day with a new sense of determination. 

I had six months of sobriety under my belt, I had numbers and addresses for group therapy and N/A meetings. I wanted to do ninety meetings in ninety days and prove that I could do this. 

I could stay sober.