My wings are powerful. They can lift me from dead air and up into the sky, where beautiful thermals could flow around me gracefully. My wings can maneuver my feathered body swiftly around in a forest, narrowly avoiding thorny branches and swiping cats.
Cats were truly the worst. They had no fear, at least, no fear for me. They usually didn't outright attack me unless they had a reason, but they were ferocious beasts when they wanted to be, truly. They would hiss and claw at me, thinking there was no way they wouldn't come out on top. That's the worst part. They don't back down. And the only way to get around them is by being faster and more agile. No way I'm taking down a cat with this body.
Off topic. It's not about cats. But that's my life now. For someone else, cats may not be a probably unless you're allergic, but I always have to be wary of them. Cats, other birds, bigger predators. Humans.
Humans are the worst, actually. They'll coo at you, say meaningless words that'll lull you into security, then clip your wings, throw you in a cage and call it a day. You can't out maneuver humans. They're smart. Intuitive. Rulers of this planet.
They've created tools, and cars, and truly wonderful machines. They grow food in abundance for millions, pollute the planet for everyone, and slowly but surely destroy everything.
Yeah, I'm not fond of them, or any truly intelligent species really. Nothing good comes from having knowledge. Well, unless you're a Pemalite. But that's not likely, since they're all dead.
I guess I'm feeling angst tonight. Another botched mission. Rachel nearly got her furry, bear head torn off.
Well, not nearly. It did. I don't know how it happened. One moment she was fine, the next, her head was hanging on by only a few bloody strings. She immediately lost consciousness, but she managed to morph back to human form. None of us know how she did it. It's unheard of to morph while your life is basically already gone. Ax told us so.
After we managed to escape, he disappeared into the woods. He was affected by what happened. They all were. They always are. Every mission seems to go the same.
Me on the other hand? Ever since I've been stuck in this body, I can only do the bare minimum to help. I haven't experienced the horrors of being a mindless ant getting its body torn to pieces, or a shrew in the middle of mind-numbing panic.
I wouldn't know, but Rachel tells me almost everything. She puts on strong face, but I know she's just as affected by it as everyone else is.
I look down at her from a high branch on my tree. After everyone went home after the mission, to see their siblings and parents, to be with the ones they love most after another harrowing night, I come here. To my clearing.
Since my body was permanently morphed into a hawk, I can no longer go back to my family or home. Not that I would even if I was still human, I still tend to miss those comforts.
So I come here to my tree, above the grassy clearing with hundreds of mice and other critters. Tonight, instead of going home, Rachel came with me. She is sitting at the base of my tree, head back, eyes closed, and hands clenched around her knees.
It was too much for her. I see how her eyeballs frantically move beneath her lids, the way her fingernails harshly scrape into her skin.
She's beautiful, but seeing her like this is no treat. I admire her golden hair shining in the setting sun one last time before speaking.
<Rachel.>
Thought-speak of course.
She startles and gasps like somebody shot her. I wince.
![HEAT [sabrina x billie fanfiction] от sheeshwhatshappening](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/389472203-80-k22781.jpg)
<Sorry, didn't know you were sleeping.>
"I wasn't," she grumbles while rubbing her eyes. Despite being so high above her, my hawk ears can basically hear her perfectly. All of my senses are 100 times better as a hawk than as a human.
I stay silent for a moment, then flap my wings and float down to her. She holds her arm out, and I gently land there. I'm careful my claws don't dig into her. Its too easy to cut her with my claws. Bad for Rachel's delicate skin, good for cutting Hork-Bajir and Taxxons. And catching prey.
Her fingers absentmindedly rake through the feathers on my back. I stiffen. The hawk in me refuses human touch. It's foreign and starling. But the human in me desires more of it.
<Rachel...> I say once more. Her eyes steady on me. I know how I look to her. Beady eyes that seem like they are forever glaring and serious. But I try to look soft while looking at her.
"I'm fine, Tobias." She smiled weakly at her, her fingers slowly stopping. I mentally beg her to keep going, wishing I could hug her or do anything.
<Don't lie to me.>
She slowly blinks, but her face reveals nothing. We sit in silence for a few moments. I notice a small rabbit scurrying some feet away from us, usually a delicious meal, but right now I'm more focused on her.
"It's hard, Tobias. You know that. It's never going to be easy. I just have to get used to it."
<That might be true, the part about it not being easy. But you're human, Rach, and a kid at that. You can't be expected to be Xena just because you have these powers. You're allowed to hurt. You're allowed to cry once in a while too, you know?> My voice fades off as I notice her lips tremble.
She shakes me off, and with a flap of my large wings I settle in the ground. She frowns at me.
"Don't say that to me, Tobias. My role is to be the un-fearing Rachel. The one who jumps directly into the danger. The one the others can rely on to be strong. I can't afford to be weak and let my emotions get the best of me. I can't afford to just sit her and weep and be human! I-" she stumbles to a halt when she realizes that she's started to shout. Her body turns away from me.
She doesn't want to be human?
I stare at her for a moment. She refuses to meet my eyes.
<You're wrong.>
I feel a desperate urge to fly away at that moment. I suddenly just want to be soaring through the skies. A bird with no problems or thoughts.
My bird mind takes over just like that. My wings flap frantically. Too close to the ground! Human too close! Up, up! I'm above the tree line before she can say anything to stop me.
This is ridiculous. I like my hawk body, I like not having the responsibilities and pains of being a human. But sometimes it still hurts. Sometimes I just want to lay down on a bed, throw on the Animaniacs, munch on popcorn, and just sob. Sob about human things, like being bullied, or about a girl refusing my confession, or even about the fact that I'm in the middle of an intergalactic war.
I don't know anymore. I just need to get away for a while. I let the hawk mind consume me. All it want to do is enjoy the warm air, and search for plump critters for dinner.
Perfect for me.
—————————————————-
A week later, I fly upon Ax during his morning ritual.
