Yay, back to our regularly scheduled Jaeyong programme content! Trust me y'all, I feel your pain with the last few chapters lol <3
Time was an interesting thing, Taeyong thought. Where did it start and where did it end? How did the concept come about, where was its origins? Time made people, relationships, everything uncertain - the only real guarantee that came with time was change. People changed, it seemed like everyone else around him had, so why was he so stagnant? Really and truly, it was unfair.
The remainder of December passed by slowly, and since time waited for no one, he was forced to kick himself into gear if only to barely scrape a pass in his first exams. He hadn't come to fail, that wasn't what he expected out of university, but everything had been spiralling since that one mistake; his friendships, his performance, his academics. He was struggling in all aspects, but perhaps this was exactly what he needed - Winter Break.
He had some time off now to figure out what he was going to do with himself, and decidedly, he was going to come out of the end of this new year dealing with things better. That was his decision, and though his decisions had never been such to last, what had happened between him and Doyoung gave him a much needed push in the right direction.
He'd been thinking about things, about everyone, about how he'd previously created images of them in his head. Idealistic and untrue. He'd always pegged Doyoung as strong, yet Doyoung was just as human and breakable as he was. He'd pegged Johnny as a man with a kind heart and unshakeable smile, but he, like him, was struggling inside.
And then, Jaehyun.
Taeyong shut his eyes, rolling over on his old bed, and breathed out in one deep puff. Had he gotten Jaehyun all wrong? Jaehyun at times could be hard to read, and it was hard to seek answers from the man himself as to why he had started to treat Taeyong like he did - that awful push and pull. He'd keep him close, close enough for Taeyong to fall for him over and over again, but far enough to establish that they weren't anything of real substance, far enough to be airily untouchable, far enough to hurt.
Jaehyun was always within reach, yet somehow out of his grasp completely. He couldn't understand it. But if there was anything he'd learned in the past months, it was that people weren't only what they made themselves out to be. Jaehyun behaved the way he behaved for a reason, even if Taeyong could not yet understand it. He'd have to wait until to Jaehyun told him, if ever. But that begged the question though, would he continue with his process of letting go or would he try again, holding unto the bleak threads of hope? He'd decide in a week's time when the clock struck twelve and he slipped into the new year.
So he had just over a week to think it over. A lot could happen in a week.
Taeyong opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom. It seemed to be the only thing time couldn't touch, not a painting, item, or hair out of place. Granted, it wasn't the bedroom he'd grown up in, no glow in the dark stickers on his wall, colourful scribbles in the corner that could never be washed off, or even the dingy old chest of drawers. But it had been his home for the past two years so he could only come to accept it as such. If he was really feeling that nostalgic, he could always take a walk down into the street of his old neighbourhood and see his old home.
There was a young couple and child living in it now, his mother had told him, and he hoped it served them just as well as it did him. His memories had been brought along with him, but a new batch of experiences would be made there, a child would grow up in the four corner of those slanted bedroom walls just as he did, and he wished they felt the second hand love emanating from within it.
Taeyong rolled over on the bed, arms stretched out, and sighed into his pillow. The new bed was so uncomfortable, and his older one had to be thrown out because he had quote on quote outgrown it. Whatever that meant. In his opinion, the cold that tickled his toes helped him sleep better.
"Taeyong! Come downstairs please, honey!"
He was glad his mother called him when she did because all the thinking he was doing was on the verge of giving him a headache. He could borderline hear the pound of thoughts in his head, whirring by like some sort of train. Pushing them to the back of his mind to surely be untucked again later that evening, he pulled up his weightless limbs and shuffled on his slippers before dragging himself downstairs sleepily. The closer he got downstairs, the more he became acutely aware of the loud non-human like noises. There was only one person, two now since Jeno had taken after his brother, who'd be shouting like that so early in the morning.
"Tyongie!" Jeno squealed, barrelling towards him. The toddler had grown since the last time Taeyong had seen him, now far too large for his body, running and stumbling about as if he couldn't yet keep himself centred. If there was one thing that hadn't changed about him, though, it was the smile in his eyes.
Taeyong leaned down to scoop him up before ruffling his hair and pinching his cheeks. The child groaned, and Taeyong smiled, doting. He could see why Doyoung did that now, despite his powerless protests.
Doyoung...
"What?" Donghyuck snorted. "No greeting for me? Scoop me up in your arms, I miss what it feels like to be held." Taeyong was subconsciously grateful that Donghyuck had taken him out of what he was sure was about to turn into depressing thoughts.
Donghyuck, too, had changed, though a lot less than his younger brother. He was still short, sharp-mouthed, and of course lovable. But the chubbiness of his cheeks had sunken in to give him more defined lines on his his cheekbones, and even accentuated his lips. Mark was missing out for sure, but they were both doomed in that aspect, stuck in a cycle of not quite unrequited, requited love.
"You want me to hold you? Come here and give me a kiss then," Taeyong said, raising a brow at him with a wiggly smile. Donghyuck made a face, and Jeno stopped wriggling in his arms from the tummy tickles being given to him to instead look up at Taeyong wide eyed, offering to do so in Donghyuck's place instead.
"That's what I thought." Taeyong chuckled before placing a kiss to Jeno's forehead.
"Taeyong would be a great father," his aunt's amused voice came from the door.
He put Jeno down carefully before turning back to her with an lopsided smile, scratching his arm in embarrassment. The thought was nice at its core, him and his very own children running into his arms after a long day, a thought he'd fantasised too many times to underplay the number. Was it so bad to be content with just that? Just a family and nothing other than to take care of and be taken care of in return? No other long winded aspirations? It felt like he should want more, he felt like he should need more like everyone else did. Was he too simple of an Omega? Boring?
Donghyuck's snort, once again, fished him out of his thoughts. Right. He was supposed to be answering his aunt.
"Yeah, maybe." He blushed and his aunt cooed. Donghyuck walked over to the couch and made himself comfortable.
