| 𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐨𝐧 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐩𝐚𝐝𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 |
The Dark is dangerous. The Dark is deception.
And the Dark is the only thing she wants.
What would you do if the only beautiful thing in the world was the one thing you couldn't touch...
We both stare with growing dread at the compass in the middle of the coffee table, its needle swaying in lost circles. Just this morning, it was only wobbly, but now it roams in full rotations. On the TV, scientists drone on about magnetism and orbits, but we've listened to them long enough now not to care. My daughter, too little to understand what is going on, squirms in my lap, trying to get down to play. I hold her tight, like I can save her from her fate if only I can hold on well enough.
We all thought that we'd have longer.
"Staring at it doesn't change anything." James' voice, normally so calm and polite, cuts with all the razor-sharp sarcasm of a young life staring death in the face. Shocked, my grip loosens on little Mia, and she slips down to the floor.
Oh, my poor sweetheart. Oh, my darling child. Play with your dolls. Don't look the end in the face when it comes. Play with your dolls.
Tears threaten, and I hold them back with a tight smile. "You're right, Jamie. We'd best make do with what we have. Waste nothing and have everything, right?"
He doesn't bother meeting my gaze. Despair radiates off him like a dark cloud I can't contain, a maelstrom he hides with anger. His face is as sharp as his voice, and for the first time since his father died, I see him as a young man and not a child. Why is it we don't see the present until we're faced with its end?
I will not let his storm overtake me, though it threatens to. In all this world's darkness, I am my children's light. I will not fail in that just because there soon won't be anything to light. Hoping to animate him some, I ask, "Won't you be a dear, James, and turn that TV off? The house could do with a little peace."
He snaps up like a coiled spring, spins at an acute angle, snags the remote. A click, and the TV dies. "Better?"
My heart cracks, but I nod. "Much. Thank you, sweetheart."
The compass' needle's whirs as it spins.
I slip down into the floor with my daughter, and she hands me one of her dolls. "For me, sweetie?"
She purses her chubby lips. "Not for keeps, Mommy. Just to play."
"Ah. Silly me." How absurd to be playing dolls as the world spins out of orbit. But how absurd not to, to act like there's anything we can do or change. There is no grand, final item to check off my bucket list. No trip to Europe, no final phone call, no degree to finish, no wedding to see, no funeral to attend. There is only my family, together in this tiny apartment. How absurd to not be playing dolls then, as the world spins out of orbit.
My doll dances in the air with Mia's, and I glance over at Jamie. For a second, our eyes meet, but caught, his gaze goes to the floor. I lived my life—by no means was it over, but I went to senior prom, I got that first job, I married the almost-perfect man, loved the perfect children, did all those things you're supposed to do. I lived my life, but he never will. Just sixteen short years, and then it's gone.
"All our time we borrow," I murmur.
James glances up, and I can feel the question mark in his posture.
"It was something your dad wrote." I smile at such a light thought on a dark day. "All our time we borrow, living day to day, having joy and sorrow. We grow old, if allowed, seeing many things. Drinking in, if allowed, what life brings. Our time, all our time we borrow."
Something shines in his eyes, and he turns away.
"He was quite the poet when he was your age. Used to send me the sappiest love letters." My smile is sweeter than it is bitter. Quietly, I say, "He'd be proud of you, you know."
That brings his gaze back, and the shimmer in his eye slips down his cheek. He slides to the floor with me and Mia, and I wrap my arms around both of them. His hair smells like wood and paper; hers smells like cinnamon.
He cries into my shoulder, Mia snuggles into me, and we sit there while the needle spins faster and faster and faster. "I love you both. For as long as the stars shine and after that, I love you."
"Love you," little Mia says.
"I love you, too, Mo—
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