Poetic Thoughts

Insaniam

Days, weeks, months, hours. I don't know how long. I don't understand why. I know nothing but darkness, the bone chilling darkness and the unrelenting quiet is all I've become  aquatinted with.

I miss the sun shining on my face, the sweet rain falling on me, the wind blowing.

I miss Mansia, she's sweet, beautiful, delicate, but yet so strong it's like poison making me weak and weary. She makes my heart flutter. Oh how beautiful she is, the way she turns red and rosey, she makes the angels trumpets sing.

The ringing and dinging of the piercing veil of silence. Bursting through my mind. It's so very unforgiving.

I'm starting to slip, I can feel it pulling me. Tugging at me like the undertow of the sea. The water is filling my lungs and I can barely hold on. Barley catch my breath. But I must fight, I cannot succumb to the inevitable darkness. Not yet.

I burst to the surface catching my breath. Only escaping the darkness for just a moment. But a moment is all I need to keep fighting. I will not come to grief of this yet for there is still hope, whether a sliver, or a mountain there is hope.

I wait. I ponder. Question. What is this? The meaning? There has to be an answer? If there is no answer then it is a more horrific thought than losing one's mind. There must be an answer! But an answer to what? Life? The meaning?

I can feel the tugging once more trying to pull me under.

I think of Mansia once more, oh my love how I hope you fare well.

Yanking. Heaving. I can feel it dragging me into the dark abyss. I scratch at the walls trying to grasp for anything to see the light to get just a breath of air. Of hope. Of anything.
I cannot go!
I cannot go!
I cannot succumb to this!
I can't!
I won't!
I.
I.
I.
I don't.
I don't know.

And finally I have succumbed to the insanity and all that was once loved is forgotten once more. For this is what happens when one is twisted, pulled and beaten. Only wishing for a breath only to realise that it has run out. For the ticking of the clock has stopped as has the time they were given.

Jingling? What could that be? What is the meaning? Could it be? I am not lost. For that is the man who has done this to me. Sent me into this neverending chasm of insanity.