Willow hadn't slept the whole night. She just sat there in front of the door too distraught to even just move. At some point the tears had stopped coming and the sobbs had died down. And after some more time had passed, the thoughts that had been running through her head like crazy had stopped too.
Now she just felt empty. Empty and sad. This dull sadness had nested itself into Willow's heart, as she was staring off into the darkness that surrounded her. At this point all her spirit seemed gone. Washed out of her with those countless tears she had cried that night.
She didn't care about the dried up tear stains on her cheeks, or her hurting eyes. She didn't care that she was still in her father's old clothes, or that sometime soon someone would come in here and find her like that.
She didn't care.
The sun was starting to rise again and was peaking through the window in Willow's room. She hadn't bothered to close the curtains last night. And she certainly couldn't be bothered now.
Willow could hear the house slowly coming to life. Distant footsteps walking around downstairs, people talking to one another. Surely Philip was already awake as well. And Willow wondered if he got any sleep last night. She doubted it. But she couldn't bring herself to care either.
Nevertheless, whenever her thoughts travelled to him, she felt her heart aching. She still couldn't understand how he could do that to her. How could any brother do something like this to his sister?
Shaking her head ever so slightly she dismissed the thought. It didn't matter. What's done is done.
The sound of the door behind her unlocking somewhat managed to snap her out of her trance and gave her the energy to move away from the door enough so it could be opened without hitting her.
As Elise entered the room, her gaze landed upon Willow for a moment, but she turned her head away again quickly. Without a word she placed a tray with breakfast on the dresser next to the door and was out the room again the next moment.
Willow didn't miss the sad and pitying look on her face when Elise's gaze fell on her though. She could only guess what she had to look like right now.
Ever so slowly Willow pulled herself up and walked over to the dresser. It cost her a ton of energy to just get over there. She wasn't really feeling hungry. How could she be? The news her brother barked at her last night were anything but easy to digest.
And there was that little pinch in her heart again at the thought of her brother. Walking over to the window, Willow looked outside. Wondering if she would ever be out there again. At that moment, she highly doubted it. Her brother would probably keep her locked in her room until her husband to be came by to pick her up. Just the thought of that...
No. No, she wouldn't just accept that. If her brother thought he could just marry her off to some stranger he was wrong. She could feel her spirit coming back to her and the dull cloud of sadness that had surrounded her was slowly disappearing. Instead the anger started to bubble up inside her.
Philip might have caught her off guard with that last night and that advantage of surprise might let him win that argument. But that by no means indicated, that she would just give in like that. No. Not her. Willow refused to do that. No matter how her brother planned to get her to say yes at the altar, she wouldn't do it. No way in hell.
Her brother would have to find someone else to marry off to that man that he had chosen for her. She wouldn't say a single word to her brother from now on and not to her betrothed either. She might not have met the man yet, but if her brother chose him and he had agreed to marry a stranger he couldn't possibly be any better than her brother.
Did he really think just because he was the man in the house he could make a decision like that? And that she would just accept it? How dare he? She would never accept that. Never in a million years.
If Willow could, this would have been the moment she would have ran away. She didn't care anymore if it was dangerous to be out there by herself as a woman. She didn't care if she would have to work as a servant for the rest of her days. Anything was better than getting married off to a stranger.
If only Willow had known about the arranged marriage earlier. She could have asked Marcus for help. He surely would have helped her. They could have ran away together and their betrotheds could have married each other instead. But Willow knew quite well that she wouldn't be able to sneak out again. Her brother would do everything to prevent that from happening. Probably by locking her in every night. If he would ever let her out of her room again.
Why for heaven's sake hadn't he asked her? Or at least told her earlier. Willow was sure that that marriage had been arranged years ago. Very probably soon after their father had passed away. She could very well imagine her brother making a deal with some rich Grand Duke that he would pay back all the debts and in return she would marry that Grand Duke. He had basically used her to pay back those debts. He had sold her. His own sister!
And once again Willow was questioning what she could have ever possibly done to him that made him hate her so much that he would do something like that. Did he really blame their parents' death completely on her? Was that the reason? Was that why he despised her so?
It wasn't her fault. Everyone had made her feel like it was. Her father and her brother. But Willow knew that it wasn't her fault. She didn't decide to be born. It was not her fault that her mother died. There had been times where she had blamed herself as well, just like her father and brother had, but she knew better now.
She refused to let her brother treat her so badly, because he blames her for their parents death. Not anymore.
The morning had passed already and when lunch time was approaching, Willow still hadn't touched her breakfast. She wondered if her brother would let her out for lunch. If he was going to talk to her, or more like scold her, and tell her what to do. She knew that sooner or later he would come and do just that. He always did when they had gotten in an argument and he had her locked in her room for some time to "think about what she did". All that had ever taught her was that she just had to be more careful what she did and said around him. But it didn't earn him the respect he wanted from her.
Philip had never understood that respect couldn't be enforced. It had to be earned. And he had done absolutely nothing in those past years that would have earned him even the slightest bit of respect from Willow. Quite the opposite was the case.
But he had never seen that. All he ever saw was her not behaving exactly the way that he wished she would. She had never been more than a problem that needed to be taken care of to him. Willow saw that quite clearly now. What other explanation would there be for him to do something like that?
Willow didn't even want to talk to him anymore. She didn't even want to listen to what he had to say. No explanation he could ever give her could possibly be good enough. Nothing could justify him arranging a marriage for her and not even mentioning it to her. She could have forgiven him if there would have been no other way to pay back their debts and he would have come up to her openly and honestly about it. But he had to make the decision himself without taking her into consideration in the slightest and didn't even have the guts to tell her.
That was what she was most hurt by. Not even by the arranged marriage, but that her brother would not even think it necessary to tell her about it.