If Only (Rainbow Series #1)

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

I slammed the door so hard like it would destroy the house and all our memories together.

Ilang ulit akong huminga ng malalim bago tuluyang pumasok ng sasakyan at umalis doon kasabay ng muling pagtulo ng mga luha.

"Fuck this," I murmured while wiping them harshly with my wounded knuckles.

Why am I fucking crying, again?!

Nang hindi pa din sila tumigil sa pagtulo ay bumusina ako ng bumusina hanggang tumabi ang nasa unahang kotse saka 'ko mas binilisan ang takbo. I don't care anymore, I just want to go to a place where I could cry my heart out. Umaasang baka sakali.. baka sakaling huling iyak ko na 'to at sana huling pagkabigo na din.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit dito ako napadpad sa harapan ng condo tower ni Cy at nasa loob na ako ng elevator ng mapansing wala akong dalang kahit ano.

I kept sobbing while inside the elevator. I didn't mind the people who kept looking at me like I'm a lunatic. So what? Is it their first time seeing a person crying?

Crying doesn't mean you're weak. The fact that you show your vulnerability to others just show how brave you are.

Fuck! Oo, matapang ako! Matapang ako! Sa sobrang tapang ko, pinaglaban ko yung taong sa una palang pinatalo na ako.

I sarcastically laugh at that thought while another set of tears fell.

Now, people would really think that I'm crazy, laughing and crying at the same time.

"Okay ka lang, miss?" tanong ng isang lalaki.

Ni hindi man lang ako nag-abalang magpunas ng basang mukha ng nilingon ko siya. That's when I realize na apat pala kaming sakay ng elevator at lahat sila nakatingin sa akin.

I faked a smile. They care? Or they were just curious?

"I'm fine, thank you," I answered briefly and faced my front, totally dismissing a possible conversation.

No one can console me right now, no words can ease my pain. No one, even Haley, can bring me back my peace of mind.

Come to think of it, we had our intimate moments while she's doing it with Luis! Fuck!

Nararamdaman ko ang sakit ng dahan dahang pagbaon ng may kahabaan kong mga kuko sa palad ko at ang pagkirot ng sugat ko mula sa pagsuntok ko sa pader kahapon. I can endure physical pain but not emotional pain.

I always thought that dramas like this doesn't exist in real life, that it can only be seen on big screens. Funny, I'm experiencing it now and it fucking hurts.

The elevator opened on Cy's floor. Lumabas na ako agad at dumiretso na sa unit niya.

Bawat hakbang, para akong lumulutang. Pinindot ko ang doorbell ng makarating, walang sumasagot kaya kumatok pa ako. I kept on knocking until I felt numb, walang tao, wala si Cy, wala si Iris.

I cried again. I sobbed hard until I felt the cold tiles on my hands.

I've never felt so alone. How ironic that just awhile ago, I didn't need someone but now I realized, I needed comfort. I don't think I can handle this alone. The pain is too much.

I embraced myself to ease the coldness I'm feeling.

Nandidiri ako sa sarili ko... hindi dahil umibig ako sa kapwa ko babae kundi dahil...

Dahil sa baby...

I think I disrespected the baby.

I was drowning on my own thoughts that I didn't realize I already fell asleep just outside Cy's unit.