It seemed as though she played into her mother's weak point too much as Aiyla found herself dragged alongside for the weekly grocery shopping. Usually, Ammi went by herself while Suhayl stayed at home with her.
But today found her trailing behind Ammi holding Suhayl's hand. Ammi thought she'd be more comfortable holding her younger brother's hand rather than her mother's. Aiyla shrugged. She didn't really want to go out, despite missing 'human presence apparently'.
They were heading towards Aldi located about fifteen minutes away from home. Aiyla felt lost. Suhayl walked slowly frequently pointing out things to avoid or if the ground is uneven, to the point it was getting irritating.
Endure, Aiyla told herself. It's only a minor shopping trip. Going through the aisles was slightly better as Suhayl and Ammi both frequently asked her to choose whatever she wanted on top of her usual favourites.
But the constant reminders and touches to her shoulders and hands to direct her was getting to her. She's never been the dependant type. After the initial tour of home upon returning, she never needed any explicit direction nor guidance. So, this over-the-top, necessary though it may be, was making her temple throb.
She breathed out deeply upon exiting Aldi. Finally, she could go home.
"Let's go into this pound shop, I need to see if they have any silicone ladles," Ammi announced in front of them.
"We're going into the pound shop," Suhayl repeated dutifully.
Aiyla felt her jaw clench. "I'm blind, not deaf!" She snapped.
Suhayl immediately recoiled from her. "I- I'm sorry. I...didn't-"
Ammi must have heard her snap as she stopped and turned back towards both of them, worry radiating off her. "Aiyla? Suhayl?"
"It's nothing." Aiyla replied back curtly, Suhayl stiff next to her.
She felt Ammi's gaze travel between the two of them and felt her irritation rise. "Didn't we need to go to the pound shop?"
♕
Someone was loitering outside her bedroom door, and she was 101% sure it was Suhayl. Guilt bubbled up and she sighed.
After they'd returned from the shopping trip, Ammi went into the kitchen to put it all away and Aiyla immediately went to her bedroom putting on the recitation to ground herself. She didn't know why her mood was irritable and needed to avoid Suhayl who was standing off to the side with his metaphorical ears flattened atop his head.
After almost an hour, she felt herself back to normal, capable of holding a conversation without snapping.
It's not that she had never fought with Suhayl, for she certainly had. It was impossible not to, being the only two children. But things had never devolved into anything serious between her and her little brother. And she's not about to let it.
She opened the door since the brat couldn't muster up the courage to knock. When she could see, she's always burst into laughter at Suhayl's surprised face. It reminded her of the surprised pikachu meme. Even without her sight, she could imagine the face he'd made when she'd opened the door.
"Need something?" She affected a casual tone.
"Um..." Suhayl mumbled. "I'm sorry, Appi."
She sighed. She owed him an apology. Groping around, she tried to grab his hand to pull him in, Suhayl held out his hand without moving it until she managed. She pulled him in and sat him on her bed.
"Appi?"
She sat next to him and frowned mulishly wondering how to voice her thoughts.
"Remember that time when Chachi threw Ammi out from the Eid party? We came back home and Ammi was trying so hard to put us to sleep without letting us see her tears. We sat her down and made her fess up and promised to look after her. But..." her voice cracked here.
![I Loved You Blindly [Complete] by Water_Lili](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/161118475-80-k656767.jpg)
"I can't do that anymore. Instead, I'm the one being taken care of. I wanted to finish GCSEs, get apprenticeships which should secure me job. I had it all planned, I even have a list of places I wanted to apply at. Yet, this happened. Instead of lightening Ammi's burden, I've increased it even more." She really didn't how to get across what she was feeling. "I'm just trying to say that, it's... frustrating. I don't like it. I don't want it."
Smaller arms encircled her. Embarrassingly enough, she felt tears welling up.
"It's not... I wasn't angry at you. But I'm sick of being so useless. It's only been, what, five months? And I already can't... how will I live out the rest of my life?"
"It's okay," Suhayl mumbled, voice hoarse as though he was holding back tears himself. "We're here for you. We'll always be here for you. You're not a burden, you're my big sister. And I'll take care of you, you and Ammi both."
That's really not what she wanted to get across.
"That's not-"
"I'm sorry for overwhelming you. You're still perfectly capable but that doesn't we can't take care of you. We want to take care of you because we love you."
Really.
Really, when did her baby brother grow up?
"I should be the one to apologise for snapping at you for no reason."
"Eh, I'm used to it. Remember when you told Ammi that I ate all the cookies and the vanilla ice cream? You were the one who ate it! And Ammi banned me from junk food a whole week. That was worse."
"...You really are a brat."
Suhayl gave a cheeky smile. "Learnt from the best!"
♕
If Ish'aal, as she dubbed him mentally now, had anything to say to the absence, he mentioned nothing. Almost as though nothing happened.
"I found out what it means." He said after greeting her.
"Huh?"
"The name," he clarified.
"Oh? What does it mean?"
"To light up."
"Hmm."
"Is that correct then?"
She shrugged. "Maybe."
"It is," he insisted. "Though..." she could feel the smugness rolling off him. "Why you gave me that name, hmm, curious."
She rolled her eyes. "Don't think too much into it. I just like how it sounds."
"Didn't know I brightened up your life," he remarked casually.
"You wish."
"I don't actually. But thank you anyhow, I'm flattered."
A few moments passed.
"So?"
"So?"
"Why'd you give me that name?"
"Because you brighten up my life clearly," she replied drily.
"No, seriously."
"No reason."
"..." Was he disappointed? What was he expecting exactly? A confession? Aiyla huffed.
"Didn't know you knew Arabic."
"Oh, no. I don't."
He stayed quiet, but she heard the question he wanted to ask.
"My little brother loves to do his mosque homework in front of me." Rather, she had convinced him to despite his complaint that she distracted him too much with her questions.
"Hmm, so you must understand quite a bit of Arabic, then?"
"Hardly. I know a few words here and there. I picked up a few things listening to translations with the Qaris." Being able to understand the Qur'anic Ayats before the translator said it were like little pieces of heaven for her.
"Qari?" She heard his utter confusion at this word.
"Uh, yeah. Don't tell me you don't know."
"..."
"You know, the people who are experts in reciting Qur'an?"
"Oh." A pause. "Right." Another pause. "Them."
Aiyla blinked. "You have no idea what I'm talking about do you?"
"Yeah, I do."
"Uh-uh."
"Qaris are the experts in Qur'an recitation."
Aiyla didn't even deign to reply.
"Is it hard?"
"What?"
"Arabic," he clarified.
"Oh right. Yeah..." she drifted thinking of a few argument she and Suhayl had gotten into regarding the translation of a word. "As hard as it is interesting. Every word is so concise but with so many meanings." This was something she noticed in the translations of the later paras, the Ayats were so short, yet the translations were miles long.
"I guess it's not a beautiful language for no reason."
She nodded. "I'm surprised you don't know about Qaris. I've never come across who doesn't." To be fair to him, she's not come across many people overall.
"Oh, I do, I just don't know their names. Maybe you could enlighten me?"
If Aiyla detected the lie in that, she ignored it and launched into a detailed account of her favourite Qaris and their beautiful recitation.
