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The next day I woke early, the sun not even above the horizon when I strolled outside. Already, Ubbe's boat was being prepared upon the river, and I couldn't help the sorrow that washed over me.
In the previous moons, I'd lost so much already. It seemed my life was in this constant state of instability, never quite allowing me to find my feet as each whirlwind followed another. I hoped that soon there would be a reprieve, but there never seemed to be. And with Ubbe leaving, stability seemed even further out of reach.
I'd decided that morning to bundle together some food and water along with medicine for the long voyage back to Kattegat. Bread, herbs, the standard sort of thing. It was a small gesture, but one I'd risen at the crack of dawn to accomplish.
It wasn't long, of course, until the faint flickers of morning light had risen into day oncemore. The dreariness of autumn sunrise became a rather bright day and the sunlight seemed almost like summer sun as I strode over to the singular boat. Ubbe and Hvitserk were already there and I was certain that it wouldn't be long until Ivar had joined to mock their sheer lack of companionship. It seemed that all faith had been lost in the older Ragnarssons, that their supporters had all seemingly joined their little brother.
I couldn't quite place it, but something about Hvitserk told me much the same - that he was hesitant to follow his beloved older brother again. That, although Ubbe seemed to be the one that he cared for most, Hvitserk was no longer certain that his destiny ran parallel to his older brother. That rather, it diverged. That perhaps, he was fated for other things - like remaining here in York.
"Ubbe!" I called out, catching his attention. With a smile, I embraced him, standing on my toes to hug him. "I can't believe you're really leaving."
For a moment he looked back to Hvitserk, before facing me oncemore with furrowed brows and a look of concern - as though he was looking after me like an older brother. "Come with us," He suggested, making Hvitserk's head snap up to look over at me. "To Kattegat."
But I simply shook my head, frowning down at the floor. "You and I both know that I can't do that." I answered solemnly. I think that it was all too clear now where my destiny lay, and it was not with Ubbe in Kattegat. No matter what anyone else said or thought, I was Ivar's seer and advisor. And my fate would always lie with him. Gently, I reached down, placing the small basket of food and medicine in his hands. "I prepared this for your journey, to make sure that you were both well."
When I looked back to Hvitserk, I could see the doubt clear upon his face. This sense of uncertainty seemed to stalk him, never leaving him. I felt sorry for him, knowing that I had had it rather easy being so void of options. I'd never had to make a choice. And the decision that he was about to make weighed heavily upon his mind.
By the time I'd walked over to say my farewells to Hvitserk, Ivar had already amassed a large crowd by the riverbed.
"Look at you!" Ivar perched upon a large bolder, watching as his brothers left angrily. They'd only left because they could not stand the idea of following their little brother, and he knew that. He knew that they could never be seen as following him - even if it was for the good of their people. Their pride would never allow it. "Trying to sneak away to avoid your shame. Surely you must be embarrassed that nobody else is with you." And once again, Ivar's goading made it almost impossible for me to sympathise with him - even if I thought he was in the right. He just couldn't help himself. Nevertheless, he persisted, and I sunk into the crowd as though I'd never been there at all. "And why is that? I can't understand it, can you?"
There was silence for a moment, utter silence that seemed almost deafening. Hvitserk was no longer looking to Ubbe, he watched Ivar closely for a moment before finally looking over to me. When our eyes met, I knew exactly what was coming. I knew all too well what he was about to do. I couldn't blame him. In his position, I surely would've done the same - although the idea of Ubbe being abandoned by everyone, even the brother that he loved most, was utterly heartbreaking.
"Ubbe!" Ivar almost screamed, his voice echoing with such authority that I couldn't help but shudder. He'd always been commanding, but his confidence seemed to grow with every passing day. And I could certainly understand how he would one day be known as the greatest Viking who ever lived. "Nobody is with you. Everyone is with me!"
Cheers erupted from around me in support of their leader, and my gaze wandered back towards Ivar. In that moment, a part of me wanted to cheer along - even though I knew that it would be far too unkind. But something about Ivar sparked loyalty. Something about him made these men, and myself, wish to give up everything for him. And it was infectious.
I watched Ubbe say something to Hvitserk, preparing to finally depart and return home. But when they looked back to one another, a look of concern spread over the elder brother. Hvitserk didn't have to say a word, we all knew what he was about to do. It was all too clear already. He didn't want to simply follow Ubbe anymore. He wanted to follow his own path. And, for now at least, that path lay in England with his little brother.
As the boat began to move away from the shore, Hvitserk jumped off onto the rocky bank.
I hadn't quite expected the look of intrigue, shock, and then pure unmoving glee that spread over Ivar at his brother's action. For a moment, it warmed my heart. But as soon as his joy began to make me smile, the reason behind it made a sadness grow within me. I realised, rather rapidly, why such a deed would fill him with so much joy and pride. The truth was, Ivar had never been picked first before in his life. Not by his brothers, not by his father, not by anyone bar Aslaug and I. And now a small glint of hope shone through him.
"Hvitserk," Ivar smiled as his brother walked over to join him. Ubbe looked back towards the pair with grief stricken eyes, a look of absolute betrayal spreading through him. And, as Ubbe began to sail away, unable to move his eyes from the two brothers that had betrayed him, Ivar whispered the same words again.
