The other side of love

Compromise

Chapter 5

I have never heard him speaking to her, all of the time we've been together. I imagined it though, it's all I could do and most of time I imagined what she looks like. What he is like when he is with her, everything I thought I knew was nothing compared to reality. His body language, the smile on his phone and the way he kept on pacing around, you could tell he was speaking to someone he loves. Even the way he was laughing at whatever was being said, I decided to stop hurting myself and go back to the bedroom. I had to look for something to wear, I decided on a white long sleeve ruffle layer dress and black old skool vans. I recently got my braids done, so did a bun and then went to do my make up. Khathu was still on the phone, doesn't matter how much I acted like that didn't bother me. It actually did. When I was finally done with everything I took my shit, and signalled that I'm leaving.
"Wait"
He said something on the phone, then said I love you in TshiVenda. Then ended the call.
Khathu" Where are you off to?"
" I thought we were spending the day together"
Me" I didn't know uyeza remember? I am going to brunch with my friends then we can hangout when I return"
He was staring at me and God! Did I wish he wouldn't see right through my lies.
Khathu" Are you angry at me?"
Me" No, we are fine"
Khathu" I ditched my family for you, surely you can do the same for me. Ditch your friends"
Me" This is about me. I don't want to think about you and her, so I will go clear my head and then come back"
Khathu" Will that make you feel better?"
I nodded
Me" I can't pretend and if I stay here, I'll active the jealous girlfriend gene and I hate that side of me. I don't want to go there"
Khathu" Let me take you"
Me" I don't want to be around you. I'm out"
" You can call her again"

I actually drove straight to my parents house, my siblings were there too and my aunt. My mother's younger sister, she and I have such a cool relationship. I can tell her anything and she always gives me solid advice. My mother too, so it was natural for me to vent to them.
"I asked you about this and you said he was single"
My mother said and I rolled my eyes.
Me" It's like you've never met a liar before"
" He is different"
Aunt" All men are that's what makes loving the wrong one so easy. It feels like he is different from the toys that you are used to"
Me" Khathu is though. I know this and I am willing to do the whole polygamy thing for him"
Mama" Hay inoba unxilile!"
" It's not easy lento and you are making it sound like it's some easy thing. You were never mentally prepared for this and it's different from them because they grew up with this, they are okay with it. Zijonge ngoku, you are here crying over a phone call, so imagine if he takes another wife. Hay andiyiboni le"
Me" Meet him"
" You'll see what I see in him"
Mama" Xoli, he could one of Jesus's disciples and I would still hate the idea of you being part of a polygamous marriage!"
Aunt" Not Jesus hahaha yhuu! Nosakhele unochuku"
Me" Should he still come here tomorrow?"
Mama" Ewe, didn't you say he left his family to come spend time with you. Uzomshiyela ntoni?"
Me" I don't want you to be mean towards him"
Mama" Andimdala for uxelelwa nguwe how to behave"
" Bring him, might as well have his family hate us ngoku kuse early"
Aunt" Ayo shade ngumthumzi mntaka Bawo"
Me" Hahaha I need to go prepare supper for him"
Mama" Hay! You cook?!"
We all roared with laughter
Me" Hahaha Why are you saying it like that?"
Aunt" She probably doesn't want you to poison him hahaha why are you cooking when we all know you can't?"
Me" I am getting take aways then I'll dish up for him. Hahaha he doesn't mind"
Mama" Thixo! I am worried about you Xoli"
Me" Let's cross that bridge when we get there"
I gave them both hugs then I went to say goodbye to everyone else. I ordered food for us while in the car, then went to fetch it and got home Khathu wasn't even there.

I really felt like a clown at this point, I got home dished up for him and then went to sleep. Waking up in a dark house means he is still not back. I out of bed and switched on the lights in the house, warmed up my food and poured myself some wine. The front door opened while I was watching Pose, he didn't look drunk but I could tell he had a few.
" Your food is in the microwave, should I warm it up?"
I asked him, he sat down next to me. I could smell the brewery and stale cigarette smell.
Khathu" I ate"
I just nodded and then continued watching my show while he sat there fuming and typing on his phone. I didn't even say a word, after I finished my food, I went to put my plate in the sink then took the bottle of wine with me. Poured myself another glass and ignored his ass.
" Where did you go?"
He said and I ignored him because I wasn't sure if he was speaking to me.
" Xolisa!"
I paused what I was watching so I could focus on him.
Me" I went to visit my parents"
" Where were you?"
Khathu" Went out for drinks"
"I am off to bed"
Me" Okay"
Khathu" Were you trying to hurt me?"
" Was that your goal?"
Me" No, my "goal" was to get away and think. I just needed to get away"
Khathu" Is your mind cleared?"
" You cannot do this, it's not how relationships work. You don't get to disappear or take time off because you don't like something"
Me" I don't know how to deal with you and her, this is new to me and you just threw me in the deep end and somehow expected me to be able to swim. I don't know how to share you and make that normal"
" Please don't rush me. This is new to me"
Khathu" Do you love me?"
Me" More than you deserve"
I got up and took my glass of wine.
Khathu" You think it's easy for me?"
Me" I wouldn't know because you don't talk to me!!! You just make decisions about everything and I just go along with them because I love you but I don't want this. And I can't have you without her! So  I am stuck!"
" I am in love with you. I have never experienced this side of love but I also don't like the pain it comes with"
He grabbed me and gave me a hug, I couldn't stop crying on his chest. I was honestly scared, I have been with Khathu for months now and he was everything I wanted in a man. Yet I questioned everything when it came to him, especially if love was worthy of me being miserable.
" I love you"
He said, I pulled away from him. He wiped my tears.
Khathu"  I understand you being reluctant, I expected too much too soon"
" I am sorry for running you. Lets go back to our buble, no talk about marriage, nothing about her and the future. Let's date and enjoy each other's company, and when you are ready, we will discuss what comes next"