Lost and Found - a Hagrid x Voldemort fanfic

Chapter Four - The Birthday Surprise

Today was the day Hagrid has been waiting for. It was Voldemort's birthday, and, oh boy, did Hagrid have plans. 

First of all he had made a very special gift for Voldy. Hagrid wanted to show Voldy he would give up anything for his love so he decided to give up what he was most proud of, his hair. Voldemort had always been jealous of Hagrid's brown curly locks, so Hagrid made the decision to give his hair to Voldemort. One shave and each strand of hair was now on the floor of his shack. All he needed to do now was glue the hairs together using a pritt-stick he kept in his drug box, usually used to sniff. Soon the wig was done, ready to be delivered to Voldemort later that day. What a lucky boy he was.

His second surprise was to break a bear with his bare hands like a big, strong, Russian man. Then to destroy puny Americans but this plan failed as Hagrid booked the tickets too late and they got stuck in traffic and someone (not naming any names *cough cough* Voldemort) thought he'd pack the entire house.

"You don't need the ironing board to destroy America!" Hagrid attempted to explain, but Voldy wouldn't listen.

So Hagrid had to go with plan B - a day trip to the local abortion clinic (Abortions R Us - you make 'em, we take 'em) to "visit the patients there" and if they had time, visit the crematorium next door (Joe's Crematorium - you kill 'em, we grill 'em). Luckily Voldemort was able to convince them to let him in, making them believe he was with the 'Make A Wish Foundation' and that visiting an abortion clinic was the last thing had left on his bucket list. They were also let in due to his pale almost dead like face and physique inferior to Hagrid's. He could've just used the Imperius curse, but whatever. Your mind must be running wild with thoughts about why they visited Abortions R Us, well, today was the annual abort your baby day where any pregnant people were requested to pay the clinic a little visit. Vagrid's plan was to nip off to the souvenir shop and make a few purchases (if you know what I mean) but this time Hagrid had big plans and smart ideas. Voldemort gently and passionately placed the foetuses in his man bag for future use and the ones that weren't in the man bag were taken where the sun don't shine once the children were taken home Voldemort would take part in unthinkable acts.

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