{breathe}.

iv. neuro

the mind is a powerful thing, and i'm convinced mine is trying to kill me

s l o w l y   s  e l f   d e s  tr u c t  in g   as the years go by.

turning memories to dust

or twisting them and manipulating them

until im left wondering if this memory is real, or if i made it up

when i think of something that happened, i always hesitate

did i make this up?

is this a story i have told myself?

it's pretty hard to live if i don't trust my mind, you know.

which i dont. I don't trust myself.

what is a lie, and what is true?

what is a lie when nothing was ever the truth?

no, doctor, Ive never done drugs

i don't drink alcohol

but i have a l i t t l e   b i t  of trauma

a little bit of a memory i cant remember

so my mind is f a d e d 

so j a d e d 

so w r o n g 

my brain is hurt

damaged

i almost wish that I had some sort of brain tumor on my frontal cortex

that way it would give me answers

i wish there was a physical thing to explain it

rather than the random words strung together, words i call my thoughts

that's all my thoughts are anyway,

random p i e c e s  of memories,

f r a g m e n t s  of things i have experienced,

b  i t s of the things i have told myself,

p i e c e s of things people have told me

s h a r d s of hurt, pain, all encompassing fear

some people don't like being labeled

but please, doctor, give me a diagnosis.

give me a name for this invisible disease

give me some peace

otherwise i'll spend my whole life wondering if this is real thing 

or if it's all in my head.