Trusting My Brothers

Chapter 32

The next day, I woke up tucked into my bed with none of my brothers present. I quickly got ready for school and made my way downstairs. I saw Nic, Savio, and Enzo in the kitchen and a plate of waffles on the counter that I devoured immediately. I'm proud that my appetite has improved because if it hadn't, my brothers probably would have started to panic a little.

None of them mentioned my breakdown last night, which I was grateful for since it probably would have been awkward. Nic informed me that I would have to ride with my younger older brothers to school due to him having urgent business, which I didn't question. They eventually left to go to the third floor and soon, my other brothers came down the stairs with their book bags.

"Shouldn't you have already left?" asked Luca as he grabbed an apple.

"I'm actually riding with you guys today. Nic is busy." I said, trying to be a little friendly.

Matteo says, "Well, let's go. Don't want to be late."

We all get into Luca's car and he starts to drive to our school. The boys are chatting amongst themselves while I listen to some instrumental music from my phone. About three minutes into the drive, I feel Fabiano tap my shoulder.

Taking out by earbuds, I ask, "Yeah?"

"What happened last night? I thought I heard you yelling." he said, sounding sincere.

Deciding to tread carefully since the entire car went quiet, I say, "I just got mad about something. It doesn't really matter."

"Does it have something to do with you not being at lunch yesterday?" asked Matteo.

"Yeah, but really, it doesn't matter." I say with a tone of finality. But of course they couldn't drop it.

"What did happen yesterday? I saw Liam leave early from lunch and Val looked just as clueless as he did before he left." said Fabiano.

"I just got into an argument with someone and didn't really want to see them. That's all. Can you drop it?" 

"Sure. We were just curious. No need to get defensive." said Matteo.

"Yeah, well you guys have been rude to me since I got here, so sorry if I don't want to answer your questions." 

Out of nowhere, Luca asks, "Why were you able to forgive our older brothers? They acted like us in the beginning too."

Getting over the abrupt subject change, I think for a moment. "Because they apologized and are actually being genuine now. They started including me in conversations and have done nothing but be honest with me. Isn't that reason enough? None of you guys have tried to get to know me nor been nice to me. All we do is argue and to be honest, I'm sick of it." I probably sounded whiny but its true.

Minutes went by and I thought they finally decided to stop talking to me until Matteo says softly, "We were jealous."

"Excuse me?" I said, trying to make sure I heard him clearly.

He said louder, "We were jealous. You are our only sister, meaning you would get all the attention. I probably sound like a spoiled brat but its true. I was afraid that our brothers would pay attention to you rather than us. Ever since dad died, our eldest brothers buried themselves into their work and barely spared a glance at us. And when dad was alive, they still barely interacted with us. So that's why I have been rude to you; because I was fucking jealous."

I think about the time I have been here. One of the first things Enzo did was get me clothes and supplies. Then he would always get mad at every little thing I did. But that's just it, he saw every detail when it came to me yet he never noticed the mistakes my younger older brothers made unless I was involved. Every time Matteo got in trouble, it was always because of an argument with me.

But then, thinking back to how he's been acting leads me to believe there is more to the story. He would have such drastic mood swings, like he would be fine one minutes and the next he would be angry for absolutely no reason.

Having my suspicions, I say, "I'm sorry. I didn't know that was how you felt, though that does not excuse your behavior.  Sorry if this is blunt Matteo, but do you have an IED?"

His head turns immediately to my direction. "What...H-how did you know?"

"I pay attention. Do our brothers not know?" I ask sincerely.

"No, they don't. I went to the doctors myself and got diagnosed for it. I didn't know how to tell them." he said.

Luca butts in. "What the hell is an IED?"

I look at Matteo and he nods, giving me permission to tell him. "It means Intermittent Explosive Disorder. It basically means that a person will feel random bursts of rage for no reason. Do you take medication for it, Matteo?"

He whispers so only I can hear him. "I can't. I've been clean for over a year and am terrified to take any kind of medicine now. I'm scared to slip and become an addict again." 

It didn't take a genius to figure out that none of his brothers knew he was a drug addict. I'm not trying to justify his behavior, but it makes sense why his IED is not controlled. To be honest, now that I think about it, I've seen all of my brothers except him smoke.

Looking outside, I see that we have arrived to school. Grabbing my book bag, I say, "Well I'm glad that we were able to have this talk. I understand you guys a little bit more, but that doesn't mean I forgive you."

We all get out of the car and start walking to the front doors of the building. I grab Matteo's arm to stop him and say, "You need to figure out a way to get it under control. There are other ways to help besides medicine."

"Do you have any suggestions?" he asked, hopefully.

"Yeah, but let's talk about it after school, okay?" he nods and we head inside and go to our respected classes. 

Up until lunch, all I could think about was Matteo's IED. It's not something that's easy to live with, especially without the proper resources. I may not forgive him for being rude, but I am going to try to help him get it under control. He doesn't deserve to suffer being angry all the time without reason.

For lunch, I ate in the cafeteria and the entire time, Cole was just glaring at me, making my heart feel heavy. I was actually distracted from thinking about him until now and for the remainder of the day, my thoughts were on him and Matteo.

After school, the drive home wasn't to bad, meaning nobody argued. They tried to talk to me about how school was and even though it was kind of awkward, at least they tried. Once we got home, I went straight to my room and put on some comfortable clothes before going to the library.

I was reading for about thirty minutes before Matteo came in. "Can you help me get my IED under control?"

I give him a small smile. "Sure."