M

SPOTTED GOJO

i dont come online here ik, but i have to say this TT
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          (jjk spoiler)
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          i was convinced choso is going to survive, i can't take this ಥ⁠_⁠ಥ
          gege is literally killing everyone now and it's fucking me up

how am i still relevant, why are people still following me..i barely come online ☠️
          
          (nah jk, i love y'all, hope we can be friends<3)

i see my reflection in that deep mirror and as i gaze into my lifeless eyes, i wish for nothing but a different me.
          
          that uneasiness and the dissatisfaction while im comparing myself to everyone around me, does nothing but makes me wish i wasnt who i am even though my identity revolves around this face, the one i see in the mirror; those eyes, the ones that stare at me wishing for nothing but self destruction; that smile that is so hollow that i can only feel utterly disgusted by the creases around my lips when it occurs and lastly, that little mole on the left side of my lips, which rather than being a so called 'beauty mark', has no significance which undoubtedly reminds me of my own existence.
          
          
          i know, that feeling like this is just a mere trap resulting in self hatred but i can't help falling into it.
          
          i can't help devouring my own mental peace, as these insecurities hover over my foolish sense of mind and make me feel like dying, like i don't deserve existing and i must rather just suffocate myself and feel all the pain right in my heart, so that i get a lesson of being such an awful persona.
          
          
          and i promise, i don't wish to seek help, i love seeing myself in pain, i love torturing myself to the extent i will try to kill myself, i will try to finish everything, not because im some psycho, rather i like to call myself a psychotic peace of art that could do so much but chooses to drive itself insane just to cope up with the things it can simply ignore.
          
          

'the strongest soldier of humanity not strong enough to save his buds.'
          Levi.
          
          'the honoured one not honoured enough to protect his people.'
          Gojo
          
          literally my favourite characters and i feel so bad for both of them..

रफ्ता-रफ्ता वो मेरी, हस्ती का समां होगए..
          पहले जान, फिर जान-ए-जान, फिर जान-ए-जाना होगए..
          रफ्ता-रफ्ता वो मेरी, हस्ती का समां होगए..
          
          
          -im in love with this ghazal ong (⁠●⁠´⁠⌓⁠`⁠●⁠)

witnessing people catfish their entire existence is so funny for no goddamn reason lmao

आप सभी को प्रभु श्री राम लला के प्राण प्रतिष्ठा संपन्न होने की हार्दिक शुभकामनाएं। इस कलियुग में भी आज के इस पावन दिवस पर मानो सीधे त्रेतायुग में पहुंच गए हो। चलिए सब दीपावली मानते हैं और मर्यादा पुरुषोत्तम प्रभु श्री राम को समरण कर, उन्हीं के तरह धर्म के मार्ग पर चलने की शपत लेते हैं। 
          सियावर रामचंद्र की जय! 
          जय श्री राम!! 
          ✨✨

as the mist brushes off my hair, and the cold wind hits my face;
          as i walk in this infinite field of all the twists and turns my life could've possibly taken;
          there stand my thoughts, right at the corner of the ultimate sea of everything that could've taken place, and gaze at my senseless figure walking through these 'what ifs';
          and the thoughts start to find all the possible outcomes;
          they start to linger between what could've been the best;
          they start to regret, and wished that perhaps, they could've chosen something else, something better
          because of which my life outside my head, could've been better..
          they start to feel sympathy for my petite figure when i trip and fall, and they realise it's all on them; they blame themselves for everything wrong.
          but they're my thoughts, and this is all in my head.
          i'm overthinking; 
          blaming them is blaming myself,
          regretting their choices, is regretting my own decisions, 
          and, 
          feeling sympathy for myself is a mere lie;
          because, i won't ever have any sympathetic attitude for a disgusting creature like myself.
          i would rather wish death comes upon me, and it grasps me so tightly that, 
          all i can do is scream,
          but not for help,
          rather with the pleasure of being taken away and being given what someone like me deserves;
          hell.
          

beneath all the layers that i hide myself in,
          isn't any evil, or some threat, 
          it's just a vulnerable girl..the girl whom u can see in me sometimes, it's also that happy child,
          the happy child u can see in me sometimes..
          beneath all those layers, is a sadist, who thinks pain's beautiful,
          there's also a soul, that thinks everything is beautiful, and pain is unfair.
          there is a person.
          there is a person who carries all ive seen and gone through, 
          someone who's selfish,
          but also,
          someone whose main goal is making people happy, 
          there is someone who loves everyone,
          though she hates everyone too..
          she's confusing, you can't understand her, even i cant.
          but it's a person, deep down in whose heart is a sea, 
          sea of feelings she carries,
          of which u see merely a bit,
          she doesn't purposely hide everything but she hasn't let her guard down yet, to anyone.
          she does things for others more than for herself but also, she does almost everything for herself..
          she's a psychotic narcissist but she hates herself,
          she's a piece of shit,
          but oh, her petty eyes and those kind thoughts, she's perfection but she sucks at being perfect..
          she's weird but she's human..
          beneath all the layers, the real version of myself that I hide all the time, is still a human being..is still trustworthy..is still kind..is still friendly..
          but she's not just anything i said..
          she's everything she wants..