ILive4Sleep

And thank you guys for almost 60k reads on it!!! I love y'all so much and I appreciate every single one of you and your feedback!! Your comments are hilarious!!

@ILive4Sleep ofc I will 

They all just feel like MY family, MY friends, that sometimes I even believe to be true. The shows with real people in a realistic universe give me false hope. The shows with real people but an unrealistic universe make me do a double take and shake off the delusions. The shows with animated characters leave me broken and shocked and struggling to come to terms. When I sleep, sometimes I see them. Sometimes it's nothing like the show and sometimes it feels like I'm there. When I wake up, I try to grasp onto as much as I remember as possible. Sometimes I remember nothing but the warm feelings it gave me. I could watch, I could read, I could draw, I could write all day, but nothing could ever make it real. Sometimes, I read too much fan content that I actually get it confused with what actually happened in the show, or other fan content. It's ridiculous, I know. When someone mentions something similar to something in a show, it's what I immediately think of even if it's unrelated, or if I hear a song that was played in a show or even if the lyrics just relate to it. It's like I want to have these beautiful obsessions but hate them, despise them for making me feel this way at the same time. It's so, so unhealthy, but I wouldn't know where I'd be without getting the happiness I get from it. I wouldn't have known what subjects I'm interested in without it being displayed fictionally, or what my type of partner would be, or be introduced to new songs and talented actors. It's all so much yet so little to take in at once. There are only a few shows that I didn't develop obsessions over and it amazes me how some people can do that with every show. *sigh* okay I think I've said everything that's needed to be said. Thanks for reading if you did. Much appreciated <3

And sitting here uncomfortably on my bed while I watch a bright computer screen in the middle of the night for hours seems less than ideal, but it's what works for me. I can't help but get frustrated if I don't have complete silence while trying to watch something, or rewatching the same 5 seconds of something over and over and over again. Or if there are no subtitles I can't understand anything anyone is saying. The worst part is I fall in love with some of these characters, which is usually the reason I develop a hyper fixation in the first place. After I move on from a fictional love interest I almost feel as if I failed them somehow. And you know, sometimes I don't even need characters and plot to have a hyperfixation. Sometimes I will listen to the same album or song for months on end. On repeat, repeat, repeat. And when I tell people they've all been surprised at how long it's lasted. I just feel as if my mind wants something, anything, to escape this uneventful reality I live in. Sometimes I cry that nothing's real. Even with the 1 in a million chance I get to meet the actor of my favorite character, they won't be anything like who they portray. And you know, sometimes I actually do fall for the real-life person, but it's an impossible goal anyway. I have yet to meet someone who is willing to talk about one of my favorite shows or books as much as I'd like to. Earlier this summer I went to one of the filming locations of one of my favorite movies and it just felt surreal. I could hear them, I could see them (not schizophrenic-like, but in my imagination). And we only took a look for about 30 seconds and then left, and I won't have that opportunity again for a long, long time if at all. It feels so hard expressing these feelings to people who don't go through the same thing. Who can control where their mind wanders off to instead of falling into a script in the middle of a test. I just hope one of you are able to relate.

@charliehasnobitches YUP

@SubaruTheSubaru EXACTLY

@ILive4Sleep I rly like the first season!! Not really a fan of the rest, but omg the first season>>>>

@ILive4Sleep LMAOAOA

@1-LOVE-Mitsuri No no watch them try to ban coat hangers now *rolls eyes*

@ILive4Sleep 
            
            FORGET I EVEN SAID THAT—