Alex

if it weren't for me being proud of like 3 things I wrote here and having a fuck ton of stories i like on here i would've deleted this account like 2 years ago

Hey so.......... I'm sorry I haven't updated. I have a oneshot request but I haven't worked on it in a while and I apologize. I've been struggling a lot. For months. I think I'm going to be taking a longer break from writing. I'm just not able to put myself into it rn. I'm sorry if this upsets anyone, but I hope you understand. I will come back and I'll be better than I could be now. I love you all

STORY TIME
          
          So when I came out to my grandma as bi, she asked me why I thought that (don'tget mad at her, she later asked me why I thought I was bi instead of pan, cuz she knew I liked my nb friend. I told her it was complicated). I explained to her that I still like guys and find them attractive and have feelings for them, but that I also feel that way towards girls. (This was at her mother's 90th birthday, btw.) She looked at me dead in the eyes and asked "well how do you know it isn't strong friendship?" I explained, as kindly as I could, that constantly having the urge to kiss my female friend probably was a strong indicator. She and I laughed lightly and she hit me with a strong "I've had a strong urge to kiss Bonnie for years, that doesn't make me bisexual." I just laughed, and she spent the rest of the evening questioning everything.
          
          We went back to her house afterward, and at 2am I walked past her taking and "Am I gay?" quiz on Buzzfeed.

I hate being in love. Is there a cure? I don't think so. I want there to be, so bad. Why do I have to be in love with him?

Heyoooooooo it's me. So, I have made a joint account with my friend Shiro (@Anxious_Aries ) and it is @AlexShiro05, so if you want go ahead and give it a follow! It should be really cool, I'm looking forward to it, so I figured I should tell y'all. Anyways, happy new year!

I can't do this anymore. I can't sit around and pretend I'm not in love with them. They're my best friend. They treated me like royalty. They're a fucking angel, and I'm nobody. They look at me and my heart races. They smile and it's all I see. They laugh and it's the most beautiful music I've ever heard. I'm in love with them. And they don't love me. I see a future with them, one I've never seen with anyone else. I would spend the rest of my life with them. But I fucked up last time. And now that'll never happen.
          
          Why do I have to be so fucking stupid, falling for my best friend? I love them too much

Yaya username change! Don't you just love when people from your new school that have different ships than you find out you have a wattpad and find out your username haha I'm dying inside

Guys save me. I hate it here. Please save me

Everything comes to an end at some point. Lines. Lives. The pizza you ordered a week ago that you just keep eating because why not, you dont have to cook.
          
          And most if all, childhood.
          
          I haven't actually been a kid since a couple months after my mom's second maternity leave ended.
          
          I tried to make it up, but it didn't work. You can't be a kid again this late, no matter how much you want to.
          
          My first day in high school starts at noon. I'll be not only mentally, but also physically and legally, an adult before I know it. 
          
          Going into kindergarten I was fearless. I was the same for 6th grade, yeah no problem. I wanted to grow up. Move out and get a job and have kids and get married and do everything that comes after childhood.
          
          Looking back, I always looked forward. I always did everything to affect the future. Nothing was ever for me then.
          
          I wish I had lived in the moment more. I wish I had soaked up the joy of being a kid. I wish I wasnt an adult already.
          
          But here I am. About to step away from any chance of being a kid again.
          
          Going into highschool is like stepping into the airport. You're abandoning whatever was going on before and going somewhere else.
          
          Baggage checking is registration, getting you prepared to go.
          
          Security is the tests, making sure you are good to go.
          
          Boarding is the last stretch, graduating and leaving.
          
          All of it is in preparation for departure. You don't leave to go play at the playground, you don't stray from the end goal too much.
          
          But what's better about airports? You can go back. You can take another flight and go back go where you were, resume what was going on before you went to the airport.
          
          High school is a one way street. You aren't a kid anymore, not really. You can't be a kid in high school. You've officially gotten to the end game. Congratulations.

This post is for every time I've fallen in love
          
          For every time I've let my walls down for a person
          
          For every time I've fallen in love with someone new
          
          For every time I've fallen back in love with a person I've loved before
          
          For every time I've let my fucking guard down because I couldn't stop living someone
          
          For every time I've fallen for someone I'd never be able to be with
          
          For every time I've fallen for someone I knew liked me back but I just couldn't do anything about it or being myself to make a move because it's already happened and failed and I cant let myself get hurt like that again
          
          For every time I've fallen for someone I knew liked me back but I just couldn't do anything about it or being myself to make a move because it's already happened and failed and I cant let myself hurt them like that again
          
          For every time I've tried to reach out and mend a broken relationship or friendship and had it come back and bite me in the ass
          
          For every time I've fallen in love with someone I knew wasnt coming back
          
          For every time I've fallen in love with someone I knew was leaving
          
          For every time I've loved.
          
          And to all these times I say..........
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          I hate you. I cant stand you and you've made me hurt so bad, you've almost brought my life to an end.
          
          
          
          But I'm glad you exist. You've brought my life to where it is today, and even though it feels like it sucks right now, I'm sure itll get better. And I know I'll have more heartbreaks and more downfalls, and I know I will grow to hate you more and more, and I will want to tear out my heart.
          
          You have made me who I am today. And although I hate that and who I am, I cant wait to see how I turn out. And how you shape me. 
          
          I hate you, but I'm glad you exist.
          
          But you totally suck