Detective

'The Bathing Suit And The Bottle' (Bonus Chapter)

• Due to Wattpad removing my book, "F*ck Me Sideways", I'm uploading each bonus chapter into their respective book. Enjoy •

"... and as per my deduction, the murder didn't happen at the beach. She was in her bathing suit, but she had no traces of saltwater on her. Even if she hadn't entered the water before her death, specs of salt would still have been evident on her, not to mention the smell would've caught onto her hair. The murderer dressed her in a bathing suit after he or she killed her, then dumped her body in the woods to confuse the police. The real question you should be asking yourself is why the killer had a bathing suit with him or her. Was the murder premeditated or did he or she just happen to have a swimsuit at hand—why the fuck are you smiling?"

I watched Leon through the poor pixilation on the screen of Amy'slaptop, seeing a little smirk on his lips. He then shifted and shook his head. "It's just funny."

"Funny? I just laid out evidence that alters the entire direction of your investigation, proving you've spent countless hours and resources on sifting through sand on eleven different beaches, and you find it funny? Are you drinking?"

"No," He kept smiling, letting out a full chuckle now. "But someone sure is."

He nodded towards me on the screen, and I automatically rolled my eyes. "Would you prefer I put the bottle down?"

"Well—"

I pulled the baby bottle out of my son's mouth and then watched as Leon grimaced when my son showered off the capacity of his lungs. Screaming and wailing in my arms, his head turning red with efforts, Leon held up his hands.

"Alright, alright! You made your point!"

With a flat expression, I shoved the bottle back into the noise-maker again. He shut up immediately and continued eating his lunch.

Leon smiled in a silent chuckle, obviously finding my headache amusing. "So Amy's still doing the post-labor yoga?"

"What gave it away?"

"Is it working?"

"Oh, yeah, it's working. It successfully gets her out of the house for two hours every day, away from the screaming baby."

"I meant is it working on her? Is she losing the baby-weight?"

"Oh, that. Sure, that's working, too."

He chuckled again and I rolled my eyes, wishing the bottle in my hand was a different kind. Adjusting my son in my arms, I glanced down at him and saw him tiredly sucking the bottle while staring sleepily up at me. Amy said it was my voice that soothed him.

– Quite frankly, I believed it was my deductions that bored him.

"So bringing focus back to the case," I said, meeting Leon who kept staring at the peanut-shaped lump in my arms. "Aftermy conclusion was made, I started looking into the bathing suit, researching the design, brand and year that model was produced—"

"Is he rolling over yet? JJ didn't roll over until he was seven months old. How old is Andy now?"

I sighed, just as Andy cooed, hearing his name being said. "Seriously? I'm helping you catch a murderer and you're more interested in whether or not my son can roll over?"

"New murderers appear all the time, but it's not every day you get to witness Russell Crane, detective and pompous prick extraordinaire, talk about his baby boy."

"You got my business card, I see."

"Mm-hm. I think the little fella's done eating."

I looked down and found Andy pushing the mouth of the bottle out, making some fussing noises as he did. His face twisted and he begun stirring, balling up his tiny fists.

Sighing, I took the baby blanket and threw it over my shoulder, lifting my son up on my shoulder. I started rubbing his back, getting a bemused smirk from Leon through the screen. "I swear to Christ I will tell Amy you forgot you and Michelle's anniversary, and you know she will blab to your wife."

Leon calmly leaned back, just as Andy burped and made a little babble. "It just never gets old watching you behave normally. Never thought I'd see Russell Crane cradle an infant."

"If you're not interested in the case, I'm ending the call."

"Fine. The bathing suit you say?"

"It was made in 2003 and was only sold in a small section of northern Miami, stemming from a small brand called—"

Andy let out a small hiccup and then suddenly begun crying, squirming in my arms. I bounced him a little, supporting his head.

"—called Sinwear. The company only launched a small batch since it didn't sell well, so tracking the stores that held it for the time it was out shouldn't be too difficult. Then it's just a matter of tracking down purchases—"

Andy wailed louder, reminding me of who his mother was.

"—and cross referencing the names of the buyers with the list of suspects related to the victim. There's a chance the murderer didn't know the victim of course, but at least this way we'll know if any of the victim's friends held a grudge."

Andy was becoming impossible in my arms, and finally I sighed and found Leon smirking with too much satisfaction on his face. "That sounds great, but I think your son disagrees."

"It's gas, he'll get over it."

"You're really embracing your parental nature, aren't you?"

"I leave the parenting to Amy, I stick with what I'm good at, which are deductions."

"Mm-hm. So that face he's making right now, what deductions do you make of that, detective?"

Leon's amusement rung through the speakers and officially cut my patience short. I pushed it aside for the time being, though, because glancing down at my son, I saw him making the face; The one meaning he was crapping in my hands right now.

Leon could barely contain himself.

"Oh no, you're breaking up." I flatly said and then shut my laptop screen down, the image of Leon shaking his head with laughter the last I saw.

I then stood up and carried my son to the changing table, laying him to see him stare up at me with his little red face. He was exhausted from all his screaming.

"You really are your mother's son."

To that, he replied with a wet fart.

I sighed. I could practically hear Leon's snarky voice commenting; 'Well that part he got from his father.'

• • •

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