heart shaped box

three

staring outside on the train was a lovely feeling, it had rained the day before so new york was cold and grey, with specks of snow coming in, a warm scarf is wrapped around my neck, and some tight fitting jeans with my favourite winter boots.

i hold a book in my hands, looking down i admire my nails i haven't chewed, congratulations too me.

ear buds tucked in my ears a soft tune of classic music is playing, calming my nerves about this interview.

looking too my side i see two teenagers, and it gives me a flash back.

"quick! quick!"
Timmy yells as we run after the train, I run as fast as my legs could take me, he wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me on the carriage, i plumeted with a loud thump on my ass, the train speeds up and Timmy runs I grab onto his hands and his feet are off the ground we're out of the station and he screams as he's hanging off a large drop.
"Jesus Christ!"
He yells I lift him up and he falls on top of me, panting is all I can hear before I let out a loud laugh.

"may that was the scariest thing ever!"
He yelled.
"Lucky I saved you."
I mumbled.

He smirked kissing my cheek.
"Luckiest boy on the planet earth."

My eyes open and reality sinks back in.
im alone, flipping my phone over I see a missed call from my mum and Jade, I decided to leave it, trying to stay in good spirits for this interview.

my stop is next gathering my bag books and hat I get up juggling quite a lot of things, the doors open and I squeeze past what seems to be thousands of on coming people.

im consumed and pushed around, when I bump into someone dropping my stuff.
"fuck- im so sorry- shit-"
i hear, looking up while I'm crouching on the floor picking up the mess that's splattered on the floor, the train door shuts when I stand I'm met with eyes.

he looks at me and I look back, im star struck in place. the train starts, and he stays I can't read his mind but in this moment i really wish I could.

he mouthed, "june?"
My heart sinks, as his eye brows crease.

the train moves and I'm left standing there.

how could this happen.
5 years. 5 entire years.
I'd never seen him.

My breathing speeds up, as my mind flashes to that night, how cold and wet, my hair stuck to my forehead, jy mascara ran down my eyes, lipstick smeared, eye shadow ruined, dress torn.

his hair was damp he was moaning when she moved her hand down, while he had his face in between her breasts kissing her neck, just like he did mine.

looking up for a split second for our eyes to meet, my heart dropped my life turned upside down, finally after 18 years no one had loved me noticed me, but he did and my world was turned around, I finally grew, I finally understood, I loved Timothèe.

my eyes were in pain was staring at the empty train tracks my papers blew on the tracks as I stood, dropping my books.

My hands were shaking.
You need to calm down.

i took a deep breath.

I've been locked in your heart shaped box for years.

Shut up shut up. when my ears stopped ringing and I was back in reality.

picking up as much as I can I tuck my black curls behind my ear, before walking off with great speed. my legs felt wobbly, I felt like I was back in high school, which was not my favourite feeling, I had tried to escape from for years.