State of Grace | ONGOING

Chapter 13

The music was pounding through the house as I pushed through the crowd with Bo's hand clutched tightly in mine. The house was huge and only somewhat familiar. I had been to Jordan's house a handful of times, always for parties, so I only knew it in this dingy, dark state. I slipped through a gap in the sweaty bodies and into the kitchen which was bright with the overhead lights so people could pour themselves drinks without spilling things everywhere. Bo squeezed in behind me, dropping my hand to place both of his hands on my hips, walking both of us forward towards the keg. His lips found a sensitive spot on my neck and I grinned drunkenly, slipping my hand up into his dark hair. It was growing out slightly, his tight curls were dense as I raked my fingers through them.

Something was off. Not something tangible, not something I could identify, particularly in my drunken state, but I knew something was off tonight. Maybe it was that I'd seen Theo earlier but had been too emotionally exhausted from spending all day with my parents to say hi to her when my roommates had all gone over. Or maybe it was that I'd spent all day with my parents. But hopefully it was just the liquor.

"I fucking love you," Bo whispered huskily against my neck.

It was a sentiment I couldn't articulate back to him at the moment, for whatever reason. It was likely the amount of alcohol I had consumed that was making me feel this strange about him. Hopefully that was the case, at least.

Even though I probably should have cut myself off, I reached out and grabbed the nozzle from the keg, refilling the red plastic cup I was still clutching tightly in my right hand. I swayed slightly when Bo released me and grabbed a new cup, his last one lost in the mass of dancing bodies packed together in the house.

"Do you want to dance?" I asked, though I knew what the answer would be. Bo wasn't one to dance much, if he had to he just moved slightly and watched as my friends and I had fun. We'd been outside in the backyard for most of the party so far, enjoying the fresh air while my friends were dancing inside in the thick of things, where I wished I was.

"Nah, baby, I'm just going to piss and then I'll go back outside. You can find your girls, though," he told me.

It turned out that just because I expected it didn't mean that it didn't still sting. "Sure," I told him, gripping my cup and drinking the shitty, weak beer it contained. "I'll come find you later."

Bo nodded and kissed me firmly, his breath hot and wet and reeking of beer. I pushed on his chest, shoving him back slightly. "Sounds good," he said, unbothered by my shove, and headed back into the crowd without me.

I braced myself with another mouthful of beer and plunged into the crowd, heading towards the general area where I'd last seen my friends, towards the massive speakers under the front window. Bodies knocked into me, elbows and butts pushing me off balance while the press of the crowd kept me on my feet. The alcohol in my cup splashed a few drops onto the front of my jersey and I groaned, but the sound was lost to the thumping bass of the music. I caught a glimpse of Theo through the crowd and was instantly grateful for how tall she was. I pushed towards her, my eyes unfocused thanks to the alcohol but dead set on Theo's face until I was all of a sudden too close.

She was dancing with a girl I didn't know, nor did I ever care to know. Theo's hands were on her waist as they moved together to the music. It was intimate, the way Theo's eyes were locked on the side of the stranger's neck, as if she'd just finished kissing it. I started to turn, to whirl away before Theo realized I was there.

But the room was packed and all I managed to do was half-twist my drunken body and spill my entire cup of beer on the back of some guy's shirt.

He turned to me, angry and drunk, his face red from heat and alcohol. "What the fuck?" He snapped, his voice loud over the music.