Once Upon a You | A Beauty and the Beast Retelling ✔️

19 | Dark Paradise (Bea)

"Again." Koshka smacks me on the snout with a stick.

Argh. This obnoxious woman. I wish she'd never found me at the lake in the first place!

"What a stupid wish to have." The old hag shakes her head.

Aand, I wish me and this insufferable werecat weren't connected with a hive mind.

"Of course I'd find you, anywhere you go. Your parents entrusted you to me, Keeper. I was not just going to let you wander alone instead of helping you transform."

"If I could just get some rest..."

"No. No time. Your birthday is at midnight."

She pushes me so hard, making me train non-stop, every single day since we arrived at Cat Mountain next to Saratoga Springs.

The irony of the stupid name isn't lost to me.

"Come on, girl, move faster! You're not a lazy housecat!"

"I'm trying my best." I growl at her.

"Your best isn't good enough."

Ugh. How infuriating.

She leaps in the air as a feeble frail human, and lands before me in the shape of a regal, old, wise lioness. Her mangy fur is a mix of golden and brown tones, with some graying around her face and body. "Do you want to give up?"

"Of course not. I told you already, I want to embrace my beast side."

"Good. Atta girl. Remember, you were born with the strength of the wild within you." She saunters away from me and toward the lake. "I quench my thirst, and then, we continue."

I observe her feline form disappear in the darkness. Can't say I'm not relieved to get rid of her, if only for a little while. It's different, spending time with Koshka. She offends me and challenges me to become someone else all the time. But I can't complain: she also runs me ragged so I don't even have much time to think.

With Ross, it was always tenderness. Pure acceptance and full-on empowerment of who I already am.

I see him so clearly in my mind every time I close my eyes. I'd never met anyone as smart as Ross. It's as if he carries the light within, and it clarifies the life for the one who walks beside him. He has a beautiful mind, and it gives itself away willingly, like a beautiful musical box. Ross is accepting and mild. Everyone has expectations and wants to change and control me, but not him. He likes me for me, and he is kind. Tender, and sweet.

"No need to fix you," his voice echoes in my head.

No one I've ever known compares to him but there's no him now. How sorry I am that we do not have enough time. We never did. With him, I felt safe. With him, I was finally home. He was my person. He made me feel better than all fucking soy lattes and all pink Porches and all my favorite songs ever could.

I miss him reading Gormenghast and Cloud Atlas to me out loud.

The bond we formed was the most beautiful thing ever.

"Wherever you are, I will find the way to send this connection to you. You and I are always right here, right now."

Out of the palette of all my memories, one jumps at me in particular.

The black hoodie was so comfy. I was on the bus. There were trees waving at me as we passed them by. Ross was smiling and he was wearing a red and black checkered t-shirt. He was handsome. I was happy. The happiest I'd been in a long time. In forever.

The contortion begins in my spine. It shifts around as the transformation takes hold. Pain courses through my veins as bones crack and reform, muscles stretch and reshape. My cries echo through the night as my beastly form gives way to my human nature. But it was never painful like this before. Never such a tumultuous, agonizing process.