Where Life Takes Us

Chapter Thirty-Four

A/N: I'm changing a couple of characters' names in WLTU! Willow's name will now be Margot, Audrey's name will be Hazel. This is for a couple of reasons that I can't disclose right now ;) I haven't gone back to edit them which I won't do until the entire book is complete and I can revise it for a better draft. But I just wanted to let you all know so you know who's who from here on out :)

Chapter Thirty-Four

W A D E

I felt guilty for how badly I reacted whenever Avery or the guys brought up me getting help. So I did what I always did whenever I never knew how to deal with something: I shut them out. When they tried talking to me, I didn't say anything so they'd get the hint I didn't want to deal with it.

I wanted to make things better, but I didn't know how. Or if I even deserved it.

It was Friday night of Thanksgiving week-end when everything hit me. I was at Greg Jameson's party where people screamed the lyrics out to the beat of the music and took advantage of the free drinks.

Out of nowhere, my phone rang. Mom was calling. I looked back up at my friends. But they either drank from their red solo cups or gave each other looks to avoid eye contact with me.

Walking past people outside where people were shotgunning beers and leaving cans all over the yard, I asked, "Hey, Mom. Everything alright?"

"Wade, honey. I won't get mad, but please promise you'll tell me the truth to what I'm about to ask," Mom gently said, as I heard Charlie and Hazel whispering to her. "Have you been having panic attacks and nightmares again?"

My body froze, but my mind raced at a hundred miles a minute. The last thing I wanted was for anyone in my family to find out about what was going on with me. For a second, I wanted to come clean and admit that I was tired. I was struggling. I needed help and I didn't want to do this on my own.

Then the defensive part of me came out, even though I didn't have any right to be.

"I can't believe they told you." An irritated sigh came out, as I shook my head and clenched my jaw.

"They're only concerned about your health and well-being, Wade. They didn't mean any harm by it," Mom insisted, but I didn't say anything. Instead, I stared down at the ground, feeling lucky that she wasn't here so she didn't see how guilty I was. "Why did you hide it for so long?"

"Because..." I started to say, as my throat choked up. I couldn't get anything out. But when I did, my low voice started shaking. "It's not a big deal. It's just something I've dealt with since... the accident."

"But there's nothing wrong with asking for help, honey. When you come home, can we please talk about this together?" Mom softly asked, as everything got muffled around me.

Trying to ignore the headache building up inside, I shut my eyes to calm down and pinched the bridge of my nose. In seconds, my hands got sweaty and clammy as a heavy feeling inside made me feel like I was gonna choke on my own air.

"Mom, I... I'm sorry, I can't d-do this right now," I mumbled, trying to find a way out of talking to her as I hung up the phone.

Anger boiled in my gut, as my pounding headache got worse. I stormed away from the front yard. I knew they were worried, but I was mad they didn't trust me enough to fix it. I'd figured out how to push it all to the back of my head years ago without facing it head-on. Why didn't they believe I could do it again?

There was only one thing to do when I was angry and didn't know what to do next: drink as much alcohol as I could in the next half an hour.

One thing led to another and soon, I found myself chugging six beers in a row. People cheered me on as I downed four shots of vodka one after the other. The only thing I heard was a ringing in my head as I felt warmer inside with each drink I was taking.