Counting Paths

Chapter 12.

Kevin and I are the only ones awake, but even he's starting to doze off. Russell is passed out on the floor and Sterling is sleeping next to me with her head on my lap. She's been out for a few episodes now. I kinda feel bad for watching the show without her, but she claims she's seen every episode at least six dozen times.

"Alright," I groan, grabbing the room. I turn off the tv and kick Kevin's leg. He forces his eyes to widen. "Go back to your family and get some sleep," I tell him.

"What about him?" He gestures to Russell.

"We've all slept on worse. Go. I got her and him covered."

He nods, rising to his feet. "I meant what I said before, boss."

"Don't call me that."

"Wish the kid a goodnight for me, would ya?" He snatches his phone and keys off the coffee table and leaves. I mutter a curse. I'm going to need a lot more practice for this shit.

"Sterling?" I gently shake her, and she instantly begins to stir. "Sterling, come on, kid, wake up."

"No," she mumbles, lying on her stomach. "Carry me."

"Right." I lift her head off my lap, slide to the left, and stand. I slip my arms under her and pick her up. "You're a baby," I tell her as I step over Russell.

She groans sleepily and snuggles her face into the crock of my neck. "I'm a baby at heart, then." I chuckle softly. Joking or not, she never fails to turn an insult into a compliment. "Mm, you laughed, and you smell like pizza."

"That's your breath."

"Oh..."

We reach the third floor when Sterling speaks again. "Do you want still find me annoying?"

"Yes, very," I say jokingly.

"I'm serious."

"Okay, then, sometimes." I walk into her room and put her on her bed. She instantly curls into a ball and I cover her with a blanket. "Do you need anything before I go?"

"Can you play with my hair again? Please? I'm already half asleep."

"Uh...sure. Move over." She scoots over just enough for me to sit and I lower myself on the bed with my back against the headboard. I hesitate, like I did downstairs, then place my hand on her head and caress her hair. "How are you feeling?" I ask. We had a good night but the afternoon still sucked. She took such a dark turn, I'm still asking how she's doing even after hours of laughing.

"I'm tired," she yawns. "How are you? I promise I'm listening."

I smile. "I'm good."

"Shit, if you're tired too, you can go to sleep."

"I'm good here."

"Okay..." she whispers. "Good...I..."

"Kid?"

There's no response. She's completely passed out and I doubt she will remember us talking at all. She won't remember any of this. She won't hear me now.

"I'm scared," I tell her. "I'm scared of what you being here means to me. I'm scared of screwing up and getting you hurt or ending up with you hating me. I've done a lot of fucked up things. Many people hate me, most of them want me dead, and a few actually attempted to kill me. But you? You can not hate me, kid. I can't promise that I won't fuck up but you have to promise it's nothing bad enough you can't get over and forgive me."

She stirs in her sleep.

"Right...goodnight, kid." I carefully move away from her and climb out of bed.