Counting Paths

Chapter 16.

Sterling

"He's not going to kill you," Russell whispers as he rubs reassuring circles on my back.

"Yes, he is," I whisper back. I lost the energy for crying many hours ago, now I'm lying on my stomach on the couch, trying to ignore this numbness creeping over me. If Roland won't kill me, he will send me back to my mother's, and that's almost the same thing.

Maybe I should take a few dozen pills. I wonder if I would fall asleep peacefully, or would my heart just pound painfully through my body until it stops.

Headlights slowly drag across the living room.

Russell stiffens beside me and stands.

"Stay with her," Kevin says from his spot in the corner, then he hurries out of the room.

I sit up and try to get away, but Russell grabs me at the last second and effortlessly holds me in place. I groan in frustration, trying to slip away. "He's not going to hurt you!" He exclaims.

"My arm!" I wince. "You're hurting me!" Roland had bruised my arm, and it's fresh and it hurts.

He loosens his grip but it's still too strong to keep me contained. "Then stop fighting me."

I don't listen. I continue to squirm around, grunting and groaning as I fight against his hold. I'm so focused on escaping, I don't hear them come in.

"Sterling." I abruptly freeze at the sound of Roland's voice. Then I shut my eyes and hug Russell tightly. Fucking irony. It sucks. "Sterling, let's go for a ride."

My heart stops.

My heart stops and it doesn't start until we pull into the parking lot of a McDonald's.

He parks in a parking space, turns off the car, and neither of us move.

The silence is so loud, it makes my ears bleed. I wince, bringing my feet down from the dashboard, and I sit up. "McDonald's..." It's the first word that comes out of my mouth.

He clears his throat. "You said you wanted a Big Mac."

I lean back in my seat. "I'm not hungry."

"Kevin told me you haven't eaten anything since I..." He coughs. "We should still get something. Come on." He starts to climb out of the car and I do the same.

Inside, there's a family with a total of four kids, one girl and three boys, running around. The father is encouraging the kids' behavior while the mother tries to scowl at them. She's fighting a grin. The sight of the happy family stirs up a mixture of emotions inside me, makes my chest tighten. I hate that I feel jealous, I shouldn't, they did nothing wrong and I didn't either. Maybe I did. Maybe I made things worse at Sterling's accident, but I wasn't me. I didn't know what I was doing. A part of me still doesn't.

"Sterling." Roland reaches for me, and I recoil. He swallows hard, the muscle in his jaw clenching. "I'm sorry."

I nod and wrap my arms around myself. I glance around and see he ordered the food already. We step out of the none existing line, and I lean against the counter.

"Can I see?" He asks. The sleeves of my baggy shirt are long enough to hide my new bruise-thankfully.

"Where did you go?" I blurt out.

He sighs. "I went to see Arleen."

I stop myself from gasping out loud or showing any emotion of pain. "So you are sending me back."

"What? No. I went-" He cuts himself off and drags a frustrated hand through his hair. "I didn't mean to go over there."

"Large mango smoothie!" Someone shouts behind the counter.