Hurt

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TW/ rape mentions

I feel disgusting

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I feel disgusting. the lingering feeling of his hands all over my body, my throat biting at me from my pleads to him to stop, to get off of me.. why didn't he get off of me.

This is the second time he's done this, when it first happened I convinced myself he would never do it again, he even told me it wouldn't happen again.
The memory still haunts me and now I have to add another one to that.

The water runs down my body, as the tears run down my face, i can't breathe my body no longer feeling as my own.
I sit down no longer able to hold myself up as I finally break down screaming at the top of my lungs, he left the house an hour ago so I don't care about the volume of the screams, only focusing on keeping myself together.

Knock knock knock

I hear the front door go. I ignore it not wanting to see anyone right now, not wanting to see anyone ever again.

Knock knock knock

Once again I ignore it, slowly retreating to my room.
I stand in front of the mirror trying to remember who I was before all this, back when they were still here. I take in my reflection, staring back at me is a broken girl who needs saving, but that doesn't matter anymore, it's too late.

Knock knock knock

Dropping the towel i see my body, I stand there taking it in full form. I look horrible, body scattered and fragmented in evidence, bruises, cuts, how could anyone ever love this? I get dressed to quickly cover myself up.

TW/ suicide talk, sh

I lay in bed, voices in my head screaming at me, overwhelming my senses. I cover my ears no longer wanting to hear them speak.

I don't think I can do this anymore, my body aching, my soul destroyed. I don't even remember who I am anymore, everything has been stolen from me. I want to be with them.

I can't leave my friends alone they would be heartbroken.

"Do it" i hear the voices say.
No I can't

"Do it" they repeat.
Please be quiet

"Do it" they begin chanting.
It's too much, they're too much.

"FINE" I shout, all voices suddenly going silent.
Getting off my bed i go to my wardrobe where I keep it, lifting the box out the guilt hits me, i promised Evelyn I would stay clean and now I'm doing this.

I take out the razor blade and give in.
New cuts now littering my arms, the pain bringing me back urging me to do more, so I do.

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