A Melody We Were Never Supposed To Hear

Could You Love Me While I Hate Myself

Zeph

Some lyrics changed to fit the situation 

—-

3rd person/ switching POV

When Chuuya opened his eyes to the morning light, he was expected to find another body on the other side of the bed, but all he found was a lingering warmth that told the mafioso that they hadn't been gone long. A pleasant sound that he barely understood, barely remembered for some time past, drifted easily through the air as Chuuya pulled himself to his feet and walked down the small hall from the bedroom to the living room. It didn't take him long to realize that it was a melody floating through the air, something hopeful and a little bitter sweet in the way that moist things in life tended to be.

Stopping in the hall, just out of sight, the older ability user listened to the sound of the other.

"Could you love me while I hate myself?
Could you love me though I don't deserve it?
Could you love me like there's no one else?
Even though you know I can't return it"

Chuuya had always figured that the other man must hate himself, he figured that Dazai had to if he kept trying to die. But it was different hearing the spoken so blatantly like this. It hurt.

"Could you love me when the water's rough?
Or when I left you in the dust?
Could you love me though I speak with knives?
Knowing all too well that you'll get hurt"

Chuuya and Dazai were all too accustomed to the harsh words and actions of the other. They hurt one another repeatedly and said things that they didn't mean in fits of anger, but they always found their way back to one another in the end.

"If you can't answer yes, just go
I'm more trouble than I'm worth"

Dazai knew that all of the things that he's done, the lies that he's told, all of it. He knew that he didn't deserve for the other to stay, but that didn't stop him from wanting the other all the same.

"Could you love me while I hate myself?
Because I don't know how this works
I never learned how this works"

Chuuya thought that the last line was probably true. After learning how the mackerel had truly lived from the age of fourteen, he knew that love wasn't an easy thing for him. It was something barely shown to the man and often stripped away soon after.  Chuuya could understand that he was just stumbling his way through it all, but the fact that he was trying at all made the answer easy.

Walking into the kitchen with a slightly heavier step the normal, Chuuya let his presence be known to the other man. He could hear Dazai cursing himself for being so careless, and could all but see all of the escape routs shuffling through the younger man's head, but that stopped when Chuuya settled in front of the bandaged man.

As if last night was whispering to them, Chuuya reached up to the taller man, placing his hand on the back of the other's neck and pulled him down slowly as brown eyes met blue. The kiss was something sweet and long overdue, a promise made without words. 

When Chuuya pulled back he could see a vulnerable look in the other's eyes, something that was enough for him to know what he was about to say was the right choice. 

"I missed you," the small man whispered, still pressed on the tips of his toes and close enough to the other man that they all but breathed the same air.

Lanky limbs wrapped around smaller ones, pulling the two bodies together as the taller of the leaned down to whisper in the other's ear. "I'm not going anywhere."

It was a promise, one that they both intended to keep.

—-

The graveyard was warmer in the early afternoon light than it had been the last time that Dazai had made the trip down there. The temptation to stay was stronger too because of this, it was one of the warmest days that they'd seen in weeks now, but then gloved hands taped against the cool stone, a small prayer whispered that Dazai couldn't hear, before the other man left Dazai alone with his thoughts, waiting by the entrance of the cemetery.

Dazai looked down at the simple stone and thought about all of the pas times that he'd come here, death a heavy weight on his chest before every serious attempt that the bandaged man has made since that night. He thought about sitting down as he normally would, but a bright flash of color in the distance told him that he no longer needed to. 

"I probably won't be back for a little while," was all Dazai said as he finally started to lay this particular ghost rest, "I hope you won't mind waiting a little longer."

Fingers laced together the pair walked away from the cemetery, a small smile on each of their lips. For once neither of them looked back.