Life as it is

Chapter 5: And it finally begins

Finally it's time to go home!
"Aliya!!"
I hear someone calling my name as I'm by my locker. It was Brittany....
I was so confused as of why she would call my name, oh god was it because I was talking to Brent or, or was it because I was writing "brittany is a whore" in the girls washroom?.. Oh god I'm so scared what should I do? Even though I was scared to death of what she might do, or say. I eventually realize I have to turn, around because it was obvious that I could hear her.
"Oh Britt... Hey, what's up?"
I say as I'm stuttering
"So for our assignment I need you to come over, because you're like the only person I know, well besides Brent, anyways be around my house my 10:00pm and don't be late. "
Oh god me at Brittany's house?!?!?! I think I'm going to faint... As I almost pass out my friend Michael helps me up. I look him in the eye he has dirty blonde hair mixed with a little bit of brown and gorgeous hazel brown eyes with a little green in them making them look irresistible and he's white skin colour that has been tanned by the sun.
"Aliya?"
"Oh um, Michael, right.. I'm sorry I just felt a little dizzy. "
"It's fine Aliya, after all I love saving a girls life you know?"
He winked at me and chuckled
I guess I never realized I was friends with Michael until now (cause of the stare, no...)
I always seen him around class and he always messaged me but I never seemed to answer him he was always rude to me so I just ignored him but he's really good friends with my two best friends (Kate's still like my sister)
"Aliya their is a small get together at my house, you want to come?"
"Uh.. um"
I start shaking nervously and I realize I'm starting to have a anxiety attack. I don't even know they just come out of nowhere.
"Um.. Aliya? Are you okay?"
I burst into tears and collapse to the floor
"Just leave her, she's having an anxiety attack and when she's having an anxiety attack she likes to be alone and she doesn't like when people touch her" says Lila.
I feel horrible like I'm about to explode and that this will go on forever and as much as I want someone to be with me I can't because I feel suffocated. I run towards the washroom where I see Brent by his locker kissing Brittany, that made me feel a whole lot worse. Right me? Having a chance with Brent caterson, but he did make me seem like I had a chance with him I felt empty, scared, shaky and if just wanted to puke. Why is this happening? I hate me and I hate my life.
I start to cry and ball my eyes out the bell then rings and it's time to go home, just then, Michael and Kara come up to me.
"Are you okay Aliya?" Says Kara and Michael
(I guess Lila already left)
"I, I I'm fine I just, I need to go and sleep"
"You're really brave Aliya, you know that?" Says Michael.
I don't believe a single word he says.
"I'm going home"
"Aliya can you walk with Michael I have to do something.."
And then their were two.. I stand rapidly awkward.
"Aliya I'm not that bad you know"
"Mhm"
"Aliya are you even listening to me?"
God I wish I was listening to him, but I was just so lost in thought of how today my depression got worse. Everyone thinks I just have an anxiety problem but no I have severe depression which means, pills after pills, but you know what nothing makes the pain go away because it's just their and I have to believe the fact that I'm I'm
"I'm mental"
Oh god I said that really loudly.. It seemed like it was only loud enough for Michael's ears to hear and in my case I probably should run right about now..
"What? You're not mental aliya"
I stop as I'm about to run to answer him.
"Yes I am, you don't understand me Michael, nobody does. I have nobody and I am nobody"
"No you're not Aliya. Is their anything you want to share or tell me? Because if you want to talk to me I'm always here."
Well I can't tell him I have severe depression he will probably slap me or something and I can't tell him it's from me falling he will take me to the doctor or something.
"I'm fine just leave it let's walk home"
"It doesn't quite seem like nothing but okay whenever you're ready"
"Text me Aliya"
"Okay Michael okay will"
He lives right beside us so we basically are neighbours and friends. Although we are not that close, I feel really comfortable talking to him about my problems and how my day is going. I go home and I find my mom cooking.
"Hungry allee?"
"No mom I had a sandwich right before I came home, but thanks mommy"
"Okay Hun just let me know when you are hungry, your dad's working late today just to let you know, okay?"
"Okay. I'm going upstairs"
I go upstairs into my room and text Michael

Aliya: Hey
Michael: hey what's up? You want to hang out tomorrow?
Aliya: I can't i'm not allowed to go anywhere on Saturdays, sorry:(
Michael:can I come over to your place?
Aliya: yeah sure I don't think my parents will mind
Michael:okay see you
Aliya: can you come around 11:00am?
Michael: yeah probably lol
Aliya:haha:)
Michael:bye fattie
Aliya: bye..

Even though what he had called me had hurt a lot because of how insecure I am I decided to brush it off because it's meaningless and I don't want to ruin my day when I'm going to bed like that's just not right. I put on my silky v-neck top that see-through but who really cares I'm going to bed right? I have my bra on to so nothing will be showing. I also put on my booty shorts that's jet black from lulu lemon
And after that I write in my diary

Dead diary:
I'm loosing contact with Kate I'm really upset about it I really need her she's the only one who knows about my depression well despite my parents. Well and Michael walked me home today and he's coming to my house so I guess that's fun maybe I'll finally forget about Brent oh who am I kidding well see you tomorrow I mean I'll write more in you tomorrow lol...

I feel so tired I gently tuck my self into bed hugging onto my stuffed bunny and lamb and fall asleep, before you know it.