Unexpected love

Part 17

Writing a lot on how I've been feeling has made me realise ever since my mum left it has just progressively gone worse it has made me think about how happy I was when my mum was around  even when things were tough for her at the time. For example I was really young, my emotional intelligence was incredible, whenever Damien does what he does with her, I wait for her to come out or go to her to comfort her but she pretends everything is ok but I'm like no it's not, I always hugged her, she would pick me up for a deeper hug, then I feel her tears stream down. Which also makes me cry to. She would carry me to my walk in closet it's been a safe place there. As my dad would look I for us and she pretends she's sorting out my clothes by folding,ironing or hanging.

On the outside we act like a perfect family, it honestly felt like that as we go on holidays or just out for the day and Damian buys nice things for me and mum, he really does spoil her. So I don't understand why he treats her like this.

Ever since she has left I had no hope and was just thinking the worst things. She has tried to defend me when my dad was being harsh with me, I know I would misbehave a lot, she would always think why do I do what I do instead of screaming in my face, beating me or not allowing me to eat. She has tried to reason with him but he always told her to shut up or your to soft. I remember her saying the school should refer me to professional to see if I have ADHD cause of my behavioural issues, not focusing and just always active, my dad had none of it and stated, "he's being troublesome for no reason he needs to know how to control himself and what the fuck is even ADHD". My dad just wouldn't let her say her opinion. Even talking mean things about her while she walks past or on the dinner table but not saying it as it is but just hints I've just understood it but pretending I didn't in front of dad.

Many occasions she said for us to  run away, but that never happened, well she did and that will always pain me. She was my world and comfort she just always understood me and was there for me. She had a beautiful voice that she would just sing randomly but she's an author and has won many awards. And even made one of her books into a movie but I'm not allowed to watch until I grow up she said.

I've been brought up in wealth and my classmates thinks I live the best life cause of things I bring to show and tell and the car my parents drive, it's far from it, yes we go out on holidays a lot and restaurants but it's just the treatment that me and my mum get, I just wonder were she. I've searched up her name on the web frequently but no new updates about her, I hope she thinks about me anyways.

Wow writing down your feelings actually helps it makes me not think about continuously.

Knock, knock.

My grandma enters in my room "your dad wants to speak to you about therapy"

I give her a dirty look. Minutes of silence happened.

"Aren't you not going to say anything.

I shook my head no

Nathaniel she repeats constantly and laughs , "so you are just going to ignore me and your dad, your very disrespectful she points her finger at me also says it in a harsh tone".

"Why does he even care, whatever your the one who's disrespecting me, allowing that abuser to come near me."

She just left my room and stayed upstairs for the rest of the day.