Our complicated love story

Ch.1.3 Backfired plan

Backfired plan
Ch.1.3

Nathan's pov

Sh*t, he saw me. Since the party of Pamela, I've been trying my hardest to ignore Theo. I just can't bring myself to talk to him or do what I usually do, annoy the sh*t out of him. I can't even look at him without thinking about that kiss.

So far, I managed to make sure he never saw me but this time it didn't work out. Even if I'm ignoring him, I always glance and stare at him occasionally. Of course, I admire him from afar where he can't see me but well...it surely didn't work out today.

I don't want to talk to him. I'm kinda scared I won't act like my usual self in front of him. I can't have him see me in a different light. He can't see me being nervous or some sh*t because I'm always confident. Our relationship will stay like this like it always has.

The only problem is that I can't deal with him anymore. Since the kiss, I've had trouble controlling my feelings. Those so-called feelings are the same as I had for him for years.

The only difference is that I hide them quite well but now it feels like I can't hide them all that well. I don't want to become the ugly mess girls are when they have a crush. Ugh, I'm not a girl.

Plus I have a reputation to keep, it's already bad enough I couldn't hook up with girls anymore before but now I can't kiss them without seeing Theo instead. It's always Theo, Theo, Theo. It feels like he is in my head 24&7. It's annoying really.

I thought about him a lot before but I always had a bit of control but now I can't control my thoughts. Sometimes it goes from me kissing him to imagining him under me. It's as if kissing him, awakened a part of me. Now that I got a taste of it, I want some more. It's brutal, I was ready to accept I was gay but now I'm kinda forced to do so.

Sometimes I wonder if he is thinking about it too but I'm pretty sure he has forgotten about it. Knowing he's gay is worse honestly, it gives me some kind of hope that he could be attracted to me too when I don't want that feeling.

Some may say I'm bi or something but honestly, I've never felt like this when it comes to girls. You flirt with them, use your charm and boom you got them under you. It's way too easy with them but not when it comes to Theo...

I mean, yeah girls are pretty easy to swoon, besides they like the bad boy type, though I get most of my girls anywhere else than school. The girls at school want nothing to do with me, well no one basically. It's kinda sad but I'm not even at school long enough to get along with others or associate with them. So yeah, I don't care, I'm used to being all alone.

Regardless, that's beside the point! Argh, why is he so perfect tho? If he had more flaws it would be easier for me to find some reasons to not like him that way but no he's so f**king perfect that I'm drowned to him even more.

What a relief I saw him leave with some friends. Wait,  there's a guy I've never seen before. Is that his new friend? Argh, does he really gotta flaunt it to me that he's that popular?

Seriously, I swear I saw him stare back at me and it wasn't the same as before, he's never happy to see me but he kinda was. It's unbelievable...He hates me...I wonder why he was looking at me like that.

I was kinda scared that he was gonna talk to me. I mean why would he? He hates me of course he is relieved to be let free. A part of me still wanted to see if he would miss me, worried about me. Nah, that's nonsense.

Today I'm at school because I was told by my dad to go or else he would ground me. At this point, I don't know why he bothers. I skipped school so many times that it shouldn't matter anymore and anyways I'm a lost cause.