𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 ❸

𝟔. ✭ 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐒 ✭

Eyes heavy with sleep manage to pull themselves apart and with a deep, tired-riddled groan I manage to roll myself onto my back. Everything feels sore. My limbs are aching from being in a single position for too long.

How long did I sleep?

I feel around the bed, searching for my phone. It's brand new. Because there's no way in hell I was giving the Warner-Riley family a way to track me. I'd already taken the trackers they put on my car off. They're slick but I'm just as slick as them.

Finally I find the damn thing and bring it to my face. The date and time tell me I have wayyyy overslept. Like two-whole-days-of-sleeping overslept.

But is it even oversleeping when you have no place to be? Where there's no one to watch? No one to kill? No one to make sure doesn't go nuclear? When there's only me and just me to care about?

The answer is simple— no.

If no one wants to look out for me then I have no one to blame if I can't even be trusted to look after myself. And I suppose sometimes self-care looks like two whole days of letting my body relax and just let go. Let go of all the stress. Let go of all the loss. Just... let it all go.

I push the covers off of me and roll off of the bed with a grunt. I shiver slightly as the coldness of the room bites at my naked flesh. After my bath, apparently a few days ago, I'd tossed off my towel and climbed under the sheets. Didn't take me long to find the bliss that is sleep. It had pulled me under and kept me there, like a dark peaceful caress; one I'd longed for, for quite some time.

My dreams hadn't been littered with images of Torey and Dani like I thought they would be. Faces of the people I've had to put down weren't there. Even the horror that was my childhood, my slain family, none of that found me either.

It was something I'd only found when I had Dani in my arms or Torey with me; around me. They were like a safety blanket, one that kept me warm.  But neither of them had turned out to be the safety I thought they were. And that's the funny thing about trust and the feeling of being safe, the thing about being vulnerable, is that when it's ripped away from you, it leaves you feeling more naked than my current state. That kind of exposure, well, it could wreck a person.

As I walk into the bathroom my mind immediately goes to Torey. The moment his face appears in my mind I banish the image. I turn on the shower and relieve myself before stepping inside the warm stream.

The shampoo smells of sandalwood, just like the bubble bath I'd used the other day. I rather enjoy the rich, woody undertones of the of notes of this particular fragrance. I'm going to have to figure out what this shit is and buy it. It's probably ridiculously expensive. Luke would approve. With another sigh I banish the thought of him too. Instead I let my mind go to where it had gone in my sleep.

As I lather the conditioner in my hair I smile at the thought of open fields. Mountains in the distance as the sun begins to kiss the horizon. Wild horses running across an open field. No... not wild... My horses. Because I lived on a ranch. Not just any ranch, I think to myself, my ranch.

I'd grown up on a farm, working the land, and we'd had a couple of horses. I rinse the suds out of my hair as I remember their names; Lavender, Laves for short. She was my favorite. She was a brown Pinto mustang. I'd named my first Mustang Dark Horse after her when I was in the service and could actually afford such a vehicle. Then there was GoGo, my mom's horse. She was a lively dapple-grey lady, even though she was older. Then there was my father's horse, Miller, named after his favorite beer. He was just about as hospitable as my father was when he drank— not at all.