In the Shadows

Part Twenty-Four: the Night Out

    Cameron looked at me, completely baffled. The cogs in his brain spun slowly, as if dragging through molasses. His fair eyes squinted behind his sunburnt cheeks as he tried to discern what I just said to him. It was not in a foreign language, in fact it was even something I had frequently said to him, yet his reaction made it seem like Cameron had never been so confused in his young life.

    "So... can you give me a ride, or not?" I asked again.

    He nodded slowly. "How do you even know about this party?"

    "Because my friends are going."

    "You don't have friends." He said very matter-of-factly, I rolled my eyes.

    Acceptance washed away his confusion at last and he agreed to give me a ride. Although he didn't typically like to drive his car on dirt roads, he happened to be going to the same party with his own group of friends. It seemed like a majority of seniors would be in attendance. That probably explained why he didn't understand my invitation. How he missed the family drama over the last few months, I'll never be sure.
   
    Cameron and I had no bad blood. There were dozens of instances where we had some bonding, but for the most part we were never close. I certainly never felt close enough to my big brother to share with him the drastic lows I've experienced over the past school year. It wasn't that I thought he wouldn't care, or that I was even uncomfortable being honest with him, but for some reason I just didn't know how to start the conversation. On that page we were completely similar. I had overheard his struggles from my mom, but he never came to me with any problems. My family had a habit of keeping to ourselves.

I had gone to lots of parties before, and often with older crowds. My brother was not the partying type but would sometimes go out for the sake of his friends. In an ideal situation, he would park his car in an empty parking lot and play guitar with his friends for hours.

    A mere two days to walk the stage at graduation, Cameron simply wasn't allowed to say no to this party.

Bouncing down the unpaved road, Cameron's playlist shook from his after market subwoofers. The large speakers crammed into the trunk thumped with the bass in each song. Cameron didn't look like the typical enjoyer of electronic dance music, but he would spend hours to carefully curate songs that would rattle his car the hardest.

I tried my best to touch up my make up in the dark car, making sure the mascara wasn't too smudged under my eyes before we arrived. I hadn't heard from Anthony since we left school hours before. The closer we got to the party, the more excited I grew. Each time I was going to see my Anthony felt like the very first time. My stomach was bursting at the seams with butterflies, tickling my heart. Life with Anthony was glittered with joy.

Cars were scattered around the grassy field in front of the double wide. A few adults were sitting deeply in large wooden rocking chairs on the porch. They took a swig of their beer bottles and gave Cameron and I a wave as we got out of his car. The chaotic configuration of pseudo parking lot was an ominous warning for the extent of the party to come.

I walked with my brother around the side of the house to a large wooden barn out back. The wide dark wood planks building the walls were old and worn enough to let the light from inside peak through. Strands of Christmas lights ran along the overhead beams inside the barn and hung loosely over the open doors. Like the runway lights to usher down an airplane, the string lights guided a hoard of high school students into the heart of the party.

    Leaning against the red rust colored door, Anthony cracked his neck. Just as he finished twisting his head, he noticed Cameron and I walking up to the entrance. With his rugged handsome smile, Anthony extended his arms to me.