Sugar Lust

Chapter Sixteen

Emmeline

Nicholas was late, too late.

Where was he? Emmeline wondered, feeling her heart quicken.

She wanted to make the quick walk over to the train station, but Millie was asleep. Besides, she was probably being foolish—wasn't she? There was the golden rule: don't wake a sleeping baby, especially not Millie. She was all about routine, and casually waking her up for a walk late at night was definitely not part of the routine.

Emmeline put on another pot of coffee. Not like she needed more coffee. She seemed to live on it these days.

There was a knock on the door, and Emmeline's heart jumped. No one should be knocking at their door at this hour.

Where is Nicholas? Nicholas doesn't knock.

There was another knock.

She hesitated before she opened the door.

On the other side was Patrick, the man who was supposed to take over from Nicholas for the midnight shift at the train station. His eyes were red and frantic. He sniffed and then brushed some snow off his hair. Behind him, Emmeline could see the police car lights flashing red and blue, lighting up the dark sky.

Dread ate at her gut. It wasn't too late to shut the door. She took a deep breath, and possibilities started flying through her mind before he could speak. Patrick was here to tell her that he was sick, or Nicholas was needed and he would be late. Patrick was here because someone got sick on the train, and Nicholas, being who he was, was helping. Someone on the train had acted up, and they had to kick them off; the police were there to arrest them. She settled on that one. Port Hope had such a low crime rate that it was weird to see the lights flashing for anything other than a speeding ticket.

"What's wrong?" she asked, not wanting to know the answer. She twirled her hands into fists and thrust her shoulders back. Inside she knew what she was bracing herself for. She could feel it.

"I think you need to sit down," Patrick said, his eyes filling with pity.

"What going—police—where?" She took a breath and then tried again. Her words came out staccato and deliberate. "What I need is for you to tell me what is going on."

"I, I don't know," he stammered. "I, I just found him."

"Found who?"

"It's Nicholas. I found him on the floor. I was late for work. He was just lying there. I'm so sorry."

She could feel it. Deep inside, she could feel it; it was true. Maybe there was still hope. She shifted her weight from one leg to another.

"Where is the ambulance?"

"It's coming, but Emmeline..."

"Don't even say it." Her lips were trembling.

He reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. She smacked it away.

"I don't think there is anything they can do."

"No," she said.

"I'm so sorry."

"No," she said again. "I need to go to him. He needs me. Stay with Millie? She's asleep. I need to go to him. Nicholas will be okay." She sounded frantic.

"Go. Millie and I will be fine, but brace yourself. Emmeline, he is gone."

Emmeline fled outside in her slippered feet and her pink Gap hoodie. The February air was freezing and blew straight through her as if this cold world was telling her she was no one. She ran into the train station. Her slippers became caked in snow, and the cold air burned her lungs. She slipped on the wet marble floor. Angrily she kicked her slippers off. Then she ran to where Nicholas should be sitting happily selling tickets. Instead, she saw two uniformed officers standing behind the ticket counter.

One looked up and put his hand out to stop her from approaching any closer.

"You shouldn't be here," he said.

"Nicholas!" She clapped her hands to her mouth, and the officer's eyes softened.

"Do you know him?" he asked, stepping forward.

"What happened? He's not really..." She didn't finish the sentence. She knew the answer.

Oh, God.

"What happened?" she asked again.

"We're not officially sure yet," he said, coming around the counter. "We've only been here a few minutes. The ambulance is on its way. But you should prepare yourself."

"Can I see him?"

"Only if you're sure."

She walked forward. She had to know. She walked through the door of the ticket office. There he was, his body lying so still. His brown hair fell softly over his face, his eyes lifeless. There could be no doubt, he was gone.

Emmeline felt like she would suffocate. What had happened? By just looking at him, there was no way to tell. His face was pale but perfect on the marble floor. His mouth was open, but his eyes were closed, as if he were sleeping. She couldn't bring herself to come any closer.

The police were asking her questions. None of them make any sense. She couldn't talk. Millie, oh Millie, she thought as tears burned down her cheek, quickly soaking her shirt.

They pestered her with more questions. What happened earlier in the day? Where did they live? Had he been feeling okay? Emmeline wasn't sure if she answered them or not. She just stared at him, her arms wrapped tightly around her body, her knees threatening to give out.

An ambulance showed up. People rushed around her. More questions. She tried to answer. She walked outside in her bare feet to get some air. She couldn't cry; she couldn't think. She stood there in the snow, wondering why she couldn't breathe. Someone came up behind her and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. Then they walked her back inside and sat her down.

"Can I call anyone for you?" the station manager asked. More people were showing up, and there was movement everywhere. Emmeline could hear Dorothy's voice screaming.

"Where is Millie?" the manager asked, his voice calm and even.

"She's, she is with Patrick. He came over and said, Nicholas was..."

"I know, sweetie. You don't worry 'bout a thing. I have this covered. Let me take you home," he offered.

Emmeline nodded.

"Where are your shoes?"

"I don't know." She gazed down at her bare feet, still angrily red from the freezing snow.

He picked her up in his arms and carried her through the snow to the train. Fifteen minutes later, her mother arrived at the boxcar.

The rest of the night was a blur of lights and tears. And Millie—telling a baby who can't even understand how to talk that she now had no father.