Ardor: A Storm and Silence Fanfiction

6: Seeing Stars (Rikkard's POV!)

As promised, here is Chapter 69, "Seeing Stars", from Storm and Silence  in Rikkard's POV! Enjoy :)

________________________

Rikkard wasn't sure what he had been expecting when he had suddenly taken the initiative to lean down, but it wasn't resistance.

Resistance was not in his vocabulary. One did not simply 'resist' Rikkard Ambrose.

Yet she had pushed him away quite firmly, hard enough that he staggered back and released her wrists from his grip.

"Who do you think you are, telling me what I can and cannot be?" She was mad by the looks of it, her eyes alight with the ever-present fury she liked to direct his way. Her voice rose as she continued to shout at him, her brows furrowed and her mouth twisted into a scowl. "I can be anything I want! I could decide to be a member of a yellow piggy dance troop, and I could make it work if I wanted to!"

"You can never be a man," Rikkard replied, his eyes roving over her form, momentarily distracted by what he found there. He almost nodded in approval, then caught himself before he made himself a bigger fool than he already was. What he had almost done moments before...well, he wasn't sure what to do now that she had shoved him away.

Already the voices in his mind were slipping into overdrive. Does she not want me? Why did she push me away? I did something wrong, I blew it; of course she hates me, she always has. Why would her being drunk make a difference? It's not like you deserve her, anyway.

"I don't want to be a man," Lilly bit out, struggling to explain herself. "All I want is to be treated the same!"

"What's the difference?" he demanded, trying in vain to dispel his doubts about what had almost transpired between them.

"The difference," she answered with clenched teeth, "is...it is..." She floundered uselessly for words, and upon finding none, looked helplessly at him with her warm brown eyes, sending Rikkard's heart beating recklessly to a wild tune he had never known existed before.

"You see?" It was an effort to keep his voice level. "You can never be like a man."

She glared. "Will you ever give me anything but scorn?"

A part of him seemed to break at the question. Yes, he wanted to say. I would give you the world, if you asked for it. But that could never be. So he settled for, "Yes. I will give you your salary at the end of the month. If you do your work properly, that is."

Disappointment flooded her features, and he mentally kicked himself. Stupid, his mind sang. Such a stupid thing to say. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.

He watched as Lilly raised her chin in the defiant expression he knew so well, as she told him "Good" and turned away from him to march back to her chair. "That's all I want," she continued. "Money enough to be free."

"Oh, you'll have money," he said, his little finger twitching at his side. "You still won't be free, though."

Her head snapped towards him. "How so?" she demanded.

Rikkard marched back to his own chair and sat, steepling his fingers as he looked her straight in the eye. "Just like in marriage, you'll still be tied to a man--to me." It was strange to find the concept not the least bit alarming. It felt natural, having her around, with her constant chatter and one-sided visions of the world. Having Lilly near made him feel almost light again.

Her eyes narrowed. "Yes. But unlike in a marriage, at the end of the day I can go home and recuperate. And unlike in a marriage, if I ever get sick of seeing your stony visage every day, I can resign."