Scarlett's Confessions

Admitting the truth

HIM 

      The need to have a pencil at hand and drawing pad on his lap comes natural as breathing to him. I can't help but admire that sparkle in his eye; and if you saw him, you'd feel the same way. The popular girls in school get to have him.

 BUT.....

      I get to know the real him. I'm just one of those girls who gets a chance to be in his classes. I'm also that one girl who gets a chance to live right next door. I don't think anyone has had a chance to see him the way I have, speak to him the way I have, and most of all... he admits it and everything else too. He talks to me about his dreams and his motivations, his girlfriends, and his exes and everything in between.

 HIM and I

      To him i’m a chemistry partner and his best friend. To me, he is the one i’m in love with. I fell for him way too long ago and the feelings don't want to go away.  I couldn't imagine my life with those feelings being absent anyway. I don't need him as my own boy toy like those other girls do. Having him the way I have him is good enough.

 ME

      I have those days where I don't feel like my best friends are my best friends and nothing is right and too much is wrong and when he walks away I can hear my heart yelling 'please don't go rye, not now when I need you the most'. I always have wondered if he feels the same way when I walk away. If he has those days anyway. But, those secrets my heart stores, I don't bother opening. My heart seems to have a strong lock on it anyway.

      I wish I had the courage to tell him this one thing like I have courage to tell him everything else. But it won't slip out. It's like having the need to vomit but instead you find yourself gagging on air. What a flippin waste.

 WHY DOESN'T HE NOTICE ME??

      I'm still waiting for the day where Riley will break my heart like I hear the girls say in the hallways. But then I speak to Riley and he gives me a whole different story. I have decided that the only reason they say the things they say is because they don't want there friends going after him.

      I have thought of the day where I will save Riley and he'd see me in a different light. And maybe, he would actually say hi to me in school or even bear hug me like I've seen him do with others. My fantasies are way far fetched but I don't give up hope.

 I REFUSE TO.