Withering Heights

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Withering Heights (not to be confused with Wuthering Heights, the work of literary genius of the same name, though that is what it is named for) is not an experience I would wish upon anyone. I would like to say this, clear and loud. By providing the instructions, I am most certainly not suggesting that you, the reader, nor anyone else, ever play this game that is not a game. However, there will always be those who feel they can change fate, feel they are above such safety warnings, feel they and they alone have immunity to the types of things most of us shudder at the thought of. If you are one of those people, you are an idiot. You are reckless. And you will pay, dearly.

Now that you have been warned, let us discuss the rules.

This game is to be used for those who wish either to gain a woman's affection or destroy a man. Unfortunately, the gender identities of the subjects cannot be switched, though the gender identity of the player is inconsequential. However, though the game will get you what you want, there is a price. A terrible price. Before you play, I beg you, ask yourself one last time: Is it worth it?

Yes? It is? Marvelous. Let's begin.

Instructions

1. Begin by purchasing a brand new, never before read copy of the novel Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. Read it fully within a week of purchasing it. It is a lovely book, I'm sure you'll enjoy it.
3. As soon as you have finished reading it- and I mean the second you finish- grab matches and a glass of wine or bunch of grapes. From this point on, do not put the novel down until specified by the instructions. Do not stop touching it for any reason, or you will regret it. Go to the nearest patch of dirt in which you will not be disturbed. The patch of dirt should be at least ten feet across.
4. Using the edge of the book, draw a circle in the dirt, as clear and perfect as you can make it. It is now safe to let go of your book. Place it in the center of the circle as quickly and cleanly as possible. Do not touch the dirt inside the circle with your bare skin. Place the glass of wine or bunch of grapes on top of the book.
5. Using your matches, light the book, and subsequently the food or beverage on top of it, on fire. Make sure that it catches. You may use only one match. Should you fail to catch the book with that one match... well, I did warn you.
6. Assuming you managed to light the book with the first match, you will now need to choose the path appropriate to your situation.

If you are wishing for a woman's affection:

1. Watch the book burn. Watch it intently. Watch the way the flames flicker, observe their color, observe their heights. Know the fire. Take as long as you need- the fire will not go out until you finish the ritual.
2. After some time, begin to imagine the fire differently. Rather than a naturally occurring run-of-the-mill flame, begin to imagine it as a fire of love, a fire of passion. DO NOT THINK OF THE WOMAN WHOSE LOVE YOU WOULD LIKE YET. If you must think of a specific person in order to imagine this, think of Cathy. Imagine until even you are convinced that that is what it is. If you do not reach this conclusion... I highly suggest you find some way to reach this conclusion.
3. After you have reached this conclusion, begin to chant, quietly at first. DO NOT THINK OF THE WOMAN WHOSE LOVE YOU WOULD LIKE YET. Instead, think of Cathy. Envision her in your mind, exactly the way you envisions her when reading the book. Chant her name, quietly at first, getting gradually louder. Cathy, Cathy, Cathy, Cathy. Chant it until it loses all meaning to you.
4. After it loses its meaning, switch seamlessly and without a fuss to chanting the name of the woman whose love you would like. Change your mental image to her, too. During this time, do not take your eyes away from the fire. Chant her name until you are screaming it very quickly. Chant it until you feel her filling your body, until you can see your relationship unfolding in your mind. Then, and only then, should you stop.
5. If you have done this correctly, as soon as you stop chanting her name, the fire should go out, leaving nothing but ashes. If the fire does not go out... you're on your own.

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