Rebel Wars - 2018 Awards [CLOSED]

ROMANCE WINNER || Wickedly Yours

Wickedly Yours

By queen_of_sass

Review By Rather_Be_A_Unicorn

Note: Since I wrote this review, the author has made quite a few edits to the first five chapters. So, not everything in this review will be relevant for the edited version of this story.

Cover/Title

The cover shows us a bare-chested man and a woman in a long blue dress, who are caught in a passionate embrace. The way they look at each other shows us that they are about to get very wicked indeed. The title 'Wickedly Yours' and the name of the author are in a white font. I think both the image on the cover as well as the title work well for a historical romance.

The only thing that feels out of place to me in this composition is the red background. I would also prefer for the title to be in a simpler and slightly smaller font (perhaps a slightly curly font to fit the genre a bit more), because I think the bold white lettering doesn't really fit with the image on the cover, but that's merely a suggestion.

Blurb

Your blurb gives a good impression of what type of story to expect and raises enough questions to tickle my interest. A young lady who succumbs to the charms of a rogue lord and finds her reputation in tatters, because back then, that's how society worked. And then he comes back-- but sadly he isn't coming back to claim Sophia as his, he's there to court Sophia's younger sister, Colette. The hero and the heroine, their conflict and the complications they'll face on their road to Happily Ever After are evident in the blurb.

The last three paragraphs, after the mention of Colette, could be left out, since in my opinion, they don't really add anything and are quite generic. The first three paragraphs sell your story well enough.

Hook

The brilliant sun winked at Sophia and Colette Brighton and the clouds smiled at them from heaven, their grins as wide as the ones on the sisters' faces.

This is the first sentence of the prologue that takes place a year before the next chapter. While I like how this is a snapshot of the girls having fun together before their lives fall apart, I'm not sure if this is the best hook to open your story with, also because it's told from an omniscient viewpoint (more on that later).

I feel that in a way the next paragraph (with some alterations) might work better, especially because it also gives us an ominous sense of things to come. Sophia yells "You'll never catch me!" while she runs away from her sister, carefree and excited about the arrival of a new sibling, but toward the end of the chapter she'll come to find out that life has caught up with her in the worst way possible, and that there's no escape the hand she's been dealt..

Grammar/Style

Overall, your sentences flowed well and painted a vivid picture. The only thing that really stood out to me was a tendency to overuse italics, often where they weren't even necessary because the italicized sentence didn't qualify as interior monologue. When writing in third person, you can recognize interior monologue because a sentence shifts from third to first person and/or from past to present tense. If that occurs, those thoughts can be italicized to set them apart from the rest of the narrative.

Protagonist

Sophia is the main protagonist in this story. With an alcoholic father and a mother who died in childbirth, it's up to her to take care of her brother and sisters. Though Sophia's family belongs to the aristocracy, her father's gambling has made a huge dent in the family fortune, up to a point where there isn't enough money to pay for servants anymore.Sophia does the best she can, but she also resents the course her life took after her mother's death. She can't wait until she will be presented to society and hopefully catch a rich, titled husband.

When she finds one of her mother's books on how to please a man, Sophia's interest in the other sexe awakens. Even though Sophia comes across as somewhat naive and she doesn't always make the smartest choices--being caught in a compromising situation with a man equalled social ruin back then--it also makes her relatable. She's tired of having to look after everyone, while there's no one that will take care of her in return and she wants some fun. In that light it's understable she allows herself to be swept off her feet by Blake and goes somewhere private, even though she's fully aware of the consequences of what fate awaits her if she gets caught.

Blake is the love interest in this story. He's titled and only at the ball because he owes Sophia's aunt a favor. He comes across as sulky (which is no surprise since he didn't want to be at the ball in the first place) but I would've liked to have seen him introduced while he also did something kind, like maybe come to the aide of a servant who's being harassed by a drunk lord. Not sure if that'll work, but I think he needs something that makes him a bit more than a moody rake who has slept his way through London society, and having him do something nice for someone whose station is beneath his, might just add that dash of likeability he lacks a bit in the beginning.

Narrative

The narrative flowed well enough and there are some lovely descriptions, particularly at the ball, that really highlight the historical setting. The story was written from an omniscient viewpoint. However, I do feel that romances usually work better when they are written in third person limited. Especially in a romance it is important for the reader to be put into the heroine's shoes and to feel whatever she is feeling, so we as a reader can fall in love with the hero alongside with her. In my opinion, these emotions are easier to translate to the page in third person limited than in omniscient.

Plot/Pacing

The tension in the first five chapters is definitely rising, which ends with Blake's invitation to Sophia to talk somewhere private; an event that sets the rest of the story in motion.

Sometimes overly long descriptions/exposition slowed down the pace of your story, this was especially evident at the start of each chapter. A better balance between description/exposition, action and dialogue will greatly improve this. For instance, when Blake is introduced, we get quite a bit of background on him before something actually happens in the chapter. I feel this might work better if you show us who Blake is while he's interacting with someone else to achieve a better balance and improve pacing.

Also, when introducing a character it's usually better to gradually feed us breadcrumbs rather than the whole sandwich at once. For instance, Blake's not dallying with virgins might be better addressed when he's dancing with Sophia and about to ask her to meet him in private, since it will actually deepen the conflict there: he's about to ask Sophia to do something that goes against his nature, and yet he does so anyway even though he's aware of the possible consequences should they be caught alone together.

Closing Comments

Overall, it's easy to see why this story won first place in the Rebel Wars romance category, because it holds all the ingredients for a delicious historical romance: an innocent heroine, who's about to land herself into trouble for being a little too curious, and a notorious rake, who seems determined to not fall in love. I think the first five chapters lay out the groundwork for the rest of your story quite well. Sophia and Blake will have to work hard to find their own Happily Ever After, which makes it all the more rewarding when they finally do get there.