The Nerd Who Rules The School

Chapter 33

The rest of the week was a blur; students continued to stare and whisper, teachers gave me pitiful looks, I barely noticed any of it. I went through the week in a dream-state, well more like walking through a never-ending nightmare.

I tried to bury myself in school, since mid-terms were coming up and we needed to take our final SATs. Whenever I had any free time, my mind would uncontrollably drift off to Maya.

I tried to stop myself from thinking about her. Every time I did, I felt this physical ache in my heart, like a knife wound reopening again. So I numbed my heart, I numbed my emotions, my feelings. I pretended they didn't exist, it was better than facing them head on. I knew I had to face them eventually, but right now I just couldn't do it.

My parents knew something was wrong, yet they pretended everything was fine for my sake, but we all knew better.

Asher tried to talk to me, help me, but I shut him out every time. I knew that frustrated and bothered him a lot. He had drove me to and away from school the whole week. He would always offer to stay with me after school, I never let him. He always gave me the same helpless look; his eyes were downturn, the pain in it was as clear as glass, his lips forcefully curved upwards. The look he gave me always was like being punched in the guts; but when you get punch in the same spot too many times, you will get used to it. I was used to it.

I could barely get any sleep, my mind refusing to shut up, keeping me up at night. The same old demons kept on haunting me, refusing to rest. The bags under my eyes were getting heavier while I was getting thinner. I barely ate anything, most of it were forced by my parents and Asher.

During the day, school would distract me and I would numb myself, closing myself off. At night, when I could finally quiet my racing mind; when I could finally fall asleep due to exhaustion; it was when the cage that held the worst monsters and demons broke free.

I drove on without stopping, even when I saw the car coming towards me.

The cars crashed, somehow I was unhurt. Not a single injury on me. I got out and went to check out the other car. A couple was in the front, I knew both of them was dead without checking; a river of blood was flowing out, there was too much blood.

I walked around the car and in the smoke, I saw someone crawling out, someone with blond hair that was now caked with blood and dirt.

I stood there, not helping the girl even when she was struggling to get out of the wreck. I screamed at myself to do something, to help her. But I couldn't move, I was stuck. No matter how hard I try to command my muscles to move, they wouldn't budge. The girl's face lift up and a pair of hopeless, green eyes met my own cold eyes.

She whispered, "help me."

I still couldn't move, even when every single cell in my body was screaming at me to.

Then she stopped moving, with her face still facing me. I finally broke free of whatever that was holding me back, but I knew it was too late.

"MAYA." I screamed, I held her body close to mine, as if I could transfer my life to hers.

That was when I would always wake up in cold sweat, the smell of the smoke still lingering in my nose, the bitter metallic taste of blood still on my tongue.

The same old demons haunts me every night. Sometimes, I'm the one behind the car; sometimes I stood there when the crash happens; and sometimes I arrived to the scene all too late. Nonetheless, I was always the cause of it or too late.

Every single night, it played in my head like a horror movie on loop, and I couldn't find the remote to stop it.

Some time during the week, my parents told me that the drunk driver that hit Maya's car couldn't be save and died too.

I remembered how they looked hopefully at me, hoping for any kind of reaction, but I didn't. My face still refused to move. I just nodded and retreated back into my room silently. I thought maybe I would finally feel lighter, I didn't. The only thing I felt was dark satisfaction, serves him right.

That didn't mean I was happy, or that I could move on. It just meant that I was the only one left unpunished.

The driver is so lucky, he gets to escape the guilt. While I have to stay here and endure all of this.

A few days later, my parents told me that Maya's funeral would be two weeks from now.

I was taken back. I never thought about the funeral. It didn't even cross my mind that there would be a funeral.

Of course there will be a funeral. Maya is dead, she needs to be bury.

Funeral. A freaking funeral for my best friend. How rude would it be if I didn't attend? How am I suppose to sit through the funeral?

The weight of the funeral was an extra baggage I had to carried throughout the next two weeks. I dread it so much. Apparently, there was no limit to how much your heart could carry before it breaks altogether. The news of the funeral did nothing but gave me fresh new nightmares.

I was the only one in the church, I stared down into the casket. Maya was lying peacefully in it, she looked like she was sleeping. Suddenly, she shot straight up, tilted her head at me and stared at me with white, blank eyes.

"It's all your fault." she said in a raspy voice.

Once again, I woke up drenched in sweat, my heart almost beating out of my chest. Her raspy voice still ringing in my ears, chilling my every bone. Every tiny hair on my arms stood up straight, goosebumps all over my arms. Then I would again sit on my bed till dawn, falling and falling down the endless rabbit hole helplessly.