Fire and Ice

Chapter 36 † Kayleigh

The tug hauling my team to Eros arrives in two weeks. They will have been flying for almost three months by the time they arrive here safely. I've set up a small timer on my desk that counts down to their estimated arrival date. I watch as the seconds tick by, the rhythm of descending numbers lulling me into a hypnotic trance...

††

RED ALERT. RED ALERT. RED ALERT.

A mechanized voice blares at me from the ceiling, my small quarters filling with red lights and loud alarm drones that give me headaches. I drag my attention away from the countdown timer and realize I've somehow ended up lying down stiffly on top of my bed. I stand up slowly and blink a few times to try and force myself to be more conscious, my eyelids feeling abnormally heavy, and stretch my arms up over my head.

It'll be ok. You'll just do your thing. No death. It'll turn out alright. You can do it. One more battle, Kayleigh.

I slowly leave the safety of my quarters, entering the hallway outside that's also filled with flashing lights and various instructional messages. As I begin the walk toward the simulator room I see the hallway narrow in front of me. The walk begins to stretch out, each step becoming a condemnation.

What if they die? The soldiers? The buggers? On your orders! Coward. You're a damned coward, Kayleigh.

SHUT UP! I thought I got rid of you.

Suddenly, as though I'd been slapped, my vision clears, my thoughts steady, and the hallway returns to normal.

What was that? I think back to how long I spent entranced by the clock. Hours, perhaps. I should've been sleeping. I shake it off, snapping my glasses into place as I enter the simulator Battle Room.

†

As I enter the entire room snaps to attention.

"At ease," I call, continuing towards Ender without breaking my stride. The echoing sound of near two hundred people collectively dropping a salute and sitting down reverberates throughout the cavernous room and dead silence fills the air.

"What's the sitch, Ender?" I whisper as I take up my unassigned-assigned seat next to him. I have no need to whisper, but breaking the eerie quiet feels inherently wrong. Taboo, almost.

"Buggers," Petra whispers in response, seeming to agree that the silence should be respected.

"You're not Ender," I whisper back, causing soft snorts and snickers to arise from the rest of Ender's jeesh. Ender rubs his palms upwards against his face and back into his hair before turning to me with his head hung low and his shoulders slumped.

"What is it?" I prompt again, more gently this time.

"One of our most strategically placed units has come into contact with the formics. We're on orders to wipe them out with minimal damage to the fleet." That throws a bit of a wrench in our plans. I press my lips to one side and swivel my chair around to face Graff, Rackham, and Anderson. The Colonel and the Major look on curiously, edging on excitement. Fascinated with how we'll handle this new situation. Graff looks intently at me, raising his eyebrows, curious, but in a different way. Something uneasy inside me settles as I realize what we have to do.

"We're not going to wipe them out," I whisper. Everyone looks at me. "We can't. It's not part of our plan."

"So what do we do?" Bean asks.

"Interfere," I say firmly. "You and Alai start hacking into IF servers and interrupt our connection as much as possible. In the meantime, we sit. Don't fire, don't move, don't do anything unless they attack first."

"Yes ma'am." I stand up and walk around the platform to a set of stairs leading down to the pilot desks. I walk down them, and call for the squadron leaders and Ender. They gather around me, and I start explaining.

"We're not going to fight the formics." I say calmly. Some squadron leaders look alarmed, others nod their heads enthusiastically, as though they've been waiting for a superior officer to say just that.

"Why?" One of them asks, their eyes blank and mouth slightly ajar as they process my bold statement.

"I'm tired of fighting," Ender proclaims. "All my life, the war has been all I've been told was important. Training. Battle School. Command School. Do your part. Don't be wasted resources. I'm exhausted of it. This war isn't working. The adults refuse to see it."

"It's up to us now. We have the capability of breaking whatever cycle we've become trapped in. We can still choose to try and make peace."

A young man near the front guffaws.

"You're one to preach about peace. Kayleigh Bright. A9 Karlstein. Harbinger of war, goddess with a scythe. Death incarnate. You're the monster parents tell their children to be scared of, but we end up idolizing anyway. And here you are, talking about peace and love and shit. Some legend you are. You're weak."

"If you think choosing to set yourself on a new course is weakness then you have no idea what true strength is. I was trained to become a weapon. One of the greatest soldiers in history. But I thought for myself, and brought an end to the war that enabled my torture. I broke the cycle and made peace with my former enemy. We must do the same now so that future generations will no longer live in fear of an enemy that may not wish to hurt us further. If you don't like it, plead innocent to the higher ups. You are technically just following orders." I turn around.

"Try not to be on the wrong side of history. The historians mess up details enough as is." A few snickers ripple through the crowd from people who seemed to already be on my side.

I decide I've finally said my piece and begin walking back up to the platform, and I feel Ender following close behind me.