Broken: A Time Lord's Story (Doctor Who Novel)

Chapter 24 Welcome to Kentucky: It's Going to be a Bumpy Ride

A/N     This Chapter is dedicated to Rangersyl and DonnaSharples.  

 Why?  The question burned in his brain.

The few minutes that Wilson spent trying to explain things hadn't answered a single question.  Nothing made sense.  Nothing  that is except the burning anger running so deep that it actually hurt.  How was it possible to be so angry and so filled with hate and still breathe?  Thete stared at the array of pictures that decorated his wall.  They were supposed to help him connect to something, but they didn't.  He was a nothing; a nonentity that had done something  terrible. The name in large block letters posted underneath the pictures was supposed to be him.  That's what everyone said, but ....

 Thete stared at the letters realising --  he hated Jonathan Theta Smith. Whoever he was; he was horrible enough to be chained, tortured and left for dead.  He closed his eyes,  reopening them a second later to stare at the stupid pictures hoping against hope that at least the star clusters would tell him something.  He knew what they were; how they were configured, even how far away they were.  Surely they would know his secrets.  But there was nothing: they said nothing.  He laid his head against the back of the chair feeling physically and emotionally drained.  

He desperately wanted to see K'Nar or at least hear her voice.  She was just a shadow in his mind now.  A shadow with a sweet, angelic voice that gave him courage. If he could just talk to her, she would help him remember.  But all he had was the wristband strapped to his cast and the precious memory of her voice calling him, her lord.  Maybe, if he could see her, even if it were just for a minute, he wouldn't feel so lost and confused.  He wanted to feel normal, be normal.  He wanted out of here so that he could breathe fresh air. He wanted to ... run.  When Nan and Sarah finally walked back in, he barely glanced at them.  Instead, he stayed fixated on those damnable letters.  

"Hey, Cowboy, how are you feelin'?"  Nan asked lightly. 

"Did your talk with Officer Leland and Doc help?  They were in here for a while," Sarah asked as she ran her fingers through his hair.

Thete shrugged, "Maybe -- a little," he answered with a flat tone.

"What did you talk about?"  Sarah asked softly.

"Flashbacks and being --" He glanced at them and changed his language, "angry," he finished dully. His eyes went back to Annie's wall of pictures. "Do you know what's more beautiful than a woman?" he said, desperately wanting to change the subject, hoping a lighter tone would hide his feelings.

"What?" Sarah asked as she sat down on the edge of his bed as  Nan took a seat next to him.

He couldn't take his eyes from the pictures.  "The Spiral Galaxies. They pass each other over a million years or so, but when you see them through a telescope it reminds you of one of those fancy masks that you wear to a fancy dress party."

"Thete, are you alright?"  Sarah asked anxiously.

"Yeah, sure." His answer sounded as weary and dejected as he looked.  "I'm fine.  I'm always fine, aren't I?  Wait, I can't say that," he suddenly growled as he struggled to stay calm,  "because -- I can't bloody remember!"   His fist smacked the arm of his recliner in a burst of uncontrolled anger.  The letters  seemed to jump off the wall coming straight at him. The look of concern he received from Nan and Sarah made him wince inwardly with regret. 

"Do you want to talk us?"  Nan said as she ran her hand gently across his shoulder.

Her touch sent a shudder of fear through him.   When Sarah patted his hand, he flinched.  The responses fed his anger, adding to his confusion and self-loathing. "Not unless you can tell me who or what the bloody hell I am," he snapped.  "I know what Doctor Wilson said, but when I look at that name, the Spiral Galaxies means more to me than it does. My name is Jonathan Theta Smith, and I am from Britain.  It's a stupid sign for a stupid person.  I'm not him."  He immediately regretted the way he sounded.