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Ashlyn Jesse


Pain. Red, hot pain. That's all there was, pain. My eyes shot open as the worst pain I had ever felt came crashing through my body.

My mistake was thinking it was a dream. It didn't go away as my eyes opened, it seemed to get worse.

I gasped out loud as the pain got even worse. Something was burning up inside of me, begging to come out. I flipped over onto my stomach, burying my face in the sheet of my bed.

Desperately, I wrapped my arms around my stomach and rocked myself back in forth. Hot bubbles of intense agony popped within my body like firecrackers. Each burst felt like my muscle was melting away from my bone, falling from my hips and sizzling against the sensitive skin.

I let out a silent scream as the pain peaked. By now, my eyes were watering and my breath was labored. Tears dripped from my eyes as I let out a strangled sob.

My breath came out in pants and I held my stomach, where the pain seemed to be emitting. The burning increased again, and it felt like I was on fire. More, than that. It felt like my stomach and hips were being seared from the inside out.

I briefly thought about calling out to my dad, to scream at him to save me. My foot touched the ground, my arms still wrapped around my stomach as I slid off the bed.

The words died on my tongue as my legs gave out beneath me and my body collapsed onto the floor, my hand knocking my alarm clock onto the floor as I fell. I let out another sob and stuffed my knuckles in my mouth.

I re-established my fetal position at the side of my bed, my forehead pressing into the hardwood floors.

I felt dirty. Disgusted. Raged. Repulsed.

Worthless.

Unwanted.

The thought about calling for help dissipated from my mind.

All of a sudden, the burning decreased.

My body was still tender and hurt like hell, but the pain was disappearing.

A thud from down the hall made me jump, my feet backpedaling me underneath my bed. I made no effort to get my breathing in control as I started to hyperventilate.

The blue light of my alarm clock shone out across the room, laying upside down the ground.

12:17

I had only been asleep for just over 2 hours. That wasn't enough. But I couldn't fall back asleep. Not after that. So I laid there, waiting for pain, sleep, or something to explain what had happened. I found none of these.

2:34

My eyes would not shut. My brain would not turn off. My body never relaxed from the fetal position. I didn't know what I was waiting for, or even if I was waiting for something.

3:53

I still laid under the bed, hidden from the world. My window rattled from the wind outside and I tensed, not being able to see it from under here.

6:00

It was only when my alarm clock went off when I finally crawled out from under my bed, banging my head slightly on the low frame. I fumbled with the clock until I finally, finally, clicked the right button.

My legs pumped with the boundless energy that I had grown familiar with over the past few days living in Lupus Harbor.

Despite whatever the hell happened last night, or my lack of sleep, or even the soreness that raced throughout my body, I knew that I needed to run.

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