for the sake of insanity

Mr Dev's Dozy Day

@the_suaw_awards

A solitary bus pierced the thick flesh of the woods, emitting a low grumble that shocked the forest into silence. Nearby birds flinched at the smoke that gushed from the engine, the angry lights from the mechanical face that guided it's path. They squawked and took flight, melancholy feathers falling to the ground as the only indicator that they had been there at all. The sky grumbled at the intrusion and bellowed, echoes of thunder rolling across the forest with the threat of rain.

The bus rolled over a particularly large rock and the world shook, waking Adelia Kiyoto with a jolt. The skin on the back of her neck prickled with discomfort. She stiffened, hand reaching for her waist and clasping air. Who had taken her sword? Where was she? From her vantage point at the back of the bus, her eyes took in the rows of mainly empty seats, interrupted only by two figures at the front. One seemed to be navigating the bus, the other was slumped over, snoring loudly. Had he been kidnapped too?

Being kidnapped was not foreign to her, but she had to be impressed that anyone had dared to try, much less succeed. Kidnap her, the infamous shape-shifting assassin and betrothed to the King of Galean? No one in all three Kingdoms would have even considered it. And to kidnap her so carelessly, lumped in with the fat, snoring man? Did they know who she was?

It was hardly a vehicle fit for transport, the seats rough and rigid, the floor covered with an assortment of items she couldn't place. She supposed such an unsuspecting, disgusting object was ideal for kidnapping a future queen.

The bus lurched again, and Adelia's fingers gripped the seat beneath her. Her eyes scanned the forest outside for clues. As far as she knew, she wasn't even in Aecrea, for the thick trunks and the tightly packed trees didn't strike her as familiar.

Her eyes fixated on the men. One man's head turned and her eyes closed, pretending to still be asleep. Adelia slowed her heartbeat and focused on the sounds around her. There was little besides the snoring and the incessant grumble of the engine, and the cheap, irritating material of the seats gave little away beside discomfort.

The bus floundered to a stop, the lazy driving almost jerking Adelia from her seat and onto the floor. Her fingers curled around the edges of the bus seats, her arms stiff behind her, her nose an inch from another. She stifled a cry of surprise as Adelia slowly pushed herself up onto the seat again, examining the figure more carefully. It seemed to be made of rubber, limp blonde hair plastered to an orange forehead. She regarded the childish features warily; the rubbery man was dressed in a suit that seemed to barely constrain his bulging torso.

Adelia looked outside. The trees had thinned to reveal a cottage circled by an array of wooden huts. From the biggest emitted a plume of smoke. She raised her eyebrows. The groaning bus and snoring man somehow bested the time she was requested to hang a man with his own intestines as her strangest kidnapping.

She watched as the driver of the bus stood and gave her a beaming smile. He was a stout man, dressed in a waistcoat, looking more like a noble than a kidnapper. Was he some elite mercenary? He seemed unarmed, but she didn't let her guard down. The man must be skilled if he had managed to capture her. Adelia supposed she couldn't be prejudiced; kidnappers apparently came in all shape and forms nowadays.

He waved hello to her, and held a finger to his lips. The impish man blew her a kiss, holding up a sign embellished with black script. Adelia squinted to make out the words.

Whatever you do, don't wake Mr Dev up!

Ah, Mr Dev, a fitting, piggish man who released such pain-staking snores. Before she could question, the little man gave her another beaming grin and bounded off the bus. Adelia exhaled slowly. Usually her kidnappers wanted money or her head, but few had wanted her to only be quiet.

Adelia's eyes grazed across the mess across the floor. She was willing to bet there were any number of explosives concealed beneath the mess, or pressure points that if triggered, would send up a flurry of arrows. So, the floor was out. She couldn't break the glass, so she turned to the seats. Adelia supposed she could clamber over them, but they were too close to the windows and she would be vulnerable to anyone who cared to watch.

Her gaze drifted to the ceiling, where looped bus straps allowed for people to keep their balance while standing. A smile spread across her face. A memory tickled the back of her mind, where her former employer, Dr Nevrone, had forced her to climb across a ceiling with little more than her wits.

Adelia rubbed her hands against her pants to wipe off any moisture. She grabbed the closest two handrails and swung, ensuring they could hold her weight. Once she was satisfied, she returned to the seat and reached for the second furthest pair of straps, grabbing them with both hands so her back was to the ground. Adelia hoisted her feet into the next straps and pushed herself against the ceiling, effectively out of sight.

Her biceps strained with familiarity as she moved carefully from one strap to another, testing half her weight on every new strap before proceeding. Below her, the mess became more identifiable, a box of shiny objects, some sort of male dog toy. Even a barely imperceptible string tied across the handles of the seats, which she was sure would foiled anyone not as skilled as her.

Adelia paused in front of Mr Dev as she passed. He mimicked the rubbery man she had almost fallen upon earlier, with his fat cheeks and stubby hands. A similar mess of blonde hair rested across a sweating, blemished forehead. She wrinkled her nose at the smell of him, not unlike the scent of a corpse when left under the sun for too long. She was about to continue moving forward, the exit a mere bus strap away, when Mr Dev released a snore so loud and bellowing Adelia jumped in surprise. Her right foot came free from it's strap and the toe of her boot grazed the dirtied floor.

She hoisted herself against the ceiling, and Adelia swung from the last strap, making a dramatic leap that ended with a roll onto the floor. She bounded free from the entrance of the bus, looking to create distance between her and the explosions to come.

Adelia turned around, looking at the fully intact bus. The echo of Mr Dev's snoring rolled around in her ears but she didn't care, relieved to be free of the task. She backed away and was about to run when she was startled at the sight of the bus driver's manic face behind her. His features were exaggerated with glee, smile so wide he salivated at the side of his mouth.

"Welcome, Adelia Kiyoto!" His eyes were so wide she could almost see the blood vessels throb. "To Camp!"