Saikai - "Reunited" [No.6 - Yaoi]

The Truth Hurts . . .

~Shion~

        Even after two years of being missing, I couldn't bring myself to imagine a future where Rat didn't come back. My stomach churns every time I think of it.  No matter what Dogkeeper or Rikiga told me, no matter how many times my mom had begged me to move on, or how many nights I was left alone to sleep without him, my heart knew Nezumi would come back and save me. I just knew it. 

. . . 

        I was sitting in our old basement. The one that Nezumi and I shared for the short while we were together. Not a single book was out of place - each page greeted me when I walked in and sat on the old piano bench. Even the creak the bench made as I sad down sounded familiar - and comforting. Just sitting in the bench alone made my stomach turn with feelings of anticipation. I was always ready for Nezumi to walk back through the door and give me one of his cheesy-confident smiles. Just sitting in the basement by myself made me remember the times that Nezumi and I danced through the room - almost stepping on Hamlet, or knocking the boiling pot of soup over. 

        I felt a tear slowly escape from the corner of my eye. "Never change, Shion." Nezumi had always told me. The tear burned my face, because that was a promise I made to him - I would never change. I shook my head as another tear slid down my cheek - this time, the tear was followed by a smile.

        Not a smile of happiness, or a smile of excitement or gitty-ness, it was a smile of nervousness. A nervous smile.What if Nezumi never comes back? What if...He'd gone off and found someone better?

        No. His kiss was not a goodbye kiss, I told myself. It was a promise of his return. 

        I bit my lip. There was no way Nezumi would leave me forever - he couldn't. 

        I got up from the piano bench, the wood sighed in relief. With the sleeve of my blue sweater, I wiped away the tears from my face. My eyes suddenly got heavier - too many memories, too many feelings in such a short period of time. 

        It's not like Mom will miss me too much . . . 

        I made my way over to the bed - the navy blankets were ruffled and still looked like the way we had left them two years ago. I layed my head on the pillow, my face aimed toward the wall - all too familiar. I felt myself slowly fall into unconsciousness.

        The smell of Nezumi flooded my senses; it made me dizzy and my hands anticipated to feel his hold mine. I closed my eyes and his deep blue ones seared into my soul.

        More tears escaped from my eyes, and my stomach slowly became emptier and emptier as I began to realize it was pointless. It was a pointless love. I shouldn't still love him even after two years. He left me, probably for some one else - a beautiful girl.  I will never see him again.

        "It's useless. Give up Shion..." I whispered to myself. More tears slid down my cheek, and my hands shook. I took a deep breath, and I was prepared to tell myself whatever I had to in order to forget Nezumi. To forget all of this pain of deciet, the pain of loss, the pain of love . . .

        "Goodbye Nezumi..." I said. That's it. It was going to be my final farewell. I never wanted to see him again. 

        I felt my face get red. I couldn't keep torturing myself like this! As I layed in our bed . . . his bed, I shook my head and imagined myself without Nezumi. A world where I would no longer have to worry about him. Where he didnt have to worry and save my ass anymore.  A world where he didn't have to babysit me like he always did . . . 

        My breathing became heavier and I felt myself get ... mad? Frustrated? Furious? Betrayed? No words could compete with what my heart was saying.

        Just as I was ready to hit the delete button in my brain, just as I was ready and willing to give up Nezumi forever, I felt the floor's vibrations through the bed.

        Footsteps. There were footsteps coming from behind me.

        My eyes flew open and my body tensed. No one ever, EVER came here. After all the visits I'd had here by myself, not a single person came.

        I heard my heartbeat in my ears, and I felt the pulses through my fingers. Sweat caked the palms of my hands and my head pounded.

        Suddenly a hand and a voice stopped my heart.

        A hand rested on my shoulder, and a mouth was next to my ear.

        "Shion," Just his voice alone sent tears to my eyes. 

        Nezumi?  "I-"

        "I thought I told you to stay the same." His voice was soft, forgiving, loving . . . 

. . . 

        The sound of my alarm peirced through this dream; shattering it like my fragile heart that Nezumi broke two years ago when he left. 

        I sighed.  

        Maybe Nezumi won't come back - It's all just a stupid, lucid dream where love can't win.