Sierra Lancaster has had an agonizingly mediocre life. She grew up in a happy home, made loyal friends, graduated college, and is now pursuing her dream of running her own bakery. Boring, right? A story like this wouldn't be one for the books. At le...
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I'm up before the sun is. I'm one of those weird people who actually enjoy their mornings and doesn't want to die at the prospect of having to get out of bed and start their day. I'm well aware I'm part of the underdog crowd. What else is new?
After coffee, I change into running gear and then I'm out the door just as the sun stats to rise and causes streaks of orange to break apart the navy blue. I make my way to the elevator, continuing my stretches as I wait, and can't help but glance down the hall where mine and my neighbour's apartments are.
I can't believe I'm neighbours with Holden Rey again. Gah. It was bad enough the first time, you know, if by bad enough I mean that we used to be childhood friends until I became fat and awkward and he became popular and jacked and we just didn't have anything in common anymore. But I'm not bitter. Nope. Totally over it.
I'm grateful the elevator arrives at that moment and distracts me from my thoughts.
It's been a long time since I was consumed by flashes of my pasts, the same flashes that came with bouts of insecurity and self-doubt. I've long since overcomes those nasty and ugly emotions but they still lurk around and remind me that I'm not as cool and collected as I like to think I am. Don't get me wrong—I'm a far cry from the Sierra that used to hide in janitor closets when the school hallways got crowded and I wanted to avoid being confronted by materialistic and douche-y teens. But that doesn't mean I don't experience moments where I'm constantly obsessing over how much I ate in one day, or if I burned off more calories than consumed, or if eating a candy bar is worth the guilt that will follow. But for the most part, I've learned to encompass a healthy lifestyle I can be proud of.
I finish my stretches downstairs just outside the complex. It's part of a nice neighbourhood that has a ton of stores and outlets in the area. My own bakery is just across the street and I smile with barely contained anticipation, knowing that I'll be walking into it in an hour for opening day. I don't expect to have many customers but at least I'm starting somewhere, right? Anything is better than med school, where I was miserable as hell. It's nerve-wracking starting your entire life over at the age of thirty and part of me feels like a failure but another part of me is excited at the prospect of a second chance. Sometimes all we need is a second chance. Or so my father, the wise doctor says.
Once I'm stretched and my muscles have loosened, I break out into a light jog and put on my running playlist. There's not a soul outside right now but I find peace and comfort in it. I've always been a loner and while I've gotten better at socializing and making friends, I still enjoy my own downtime more than shared company. Running is one of my downtime activities that I enjoy (even though I hated it initially) because it helps my body and therefore it's important to me.
I'm not sure who needs to hear these words, but losing weight won't solve all your problems.
I used to think that if I had the ideal body of the women you see on magazines and Instagram, then I'd be totally happy. I used to think that if I'd just shed all my weight, then everything in my life would click into place and I'd feel like I finally held value. That being thin would fix everything.
