Safe to love you

Chapter two

Chapter TWO

Abbie

Love, noun

1. A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3. Sexual passion or desire.

4. A person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

I've been dating Dean Hurley for the past three years. The problem is–I just don't feel it anymore. I've been reading the definitions of 'love' for over an hour. I repeat each meaning out loud. In my mind, I don't think of Dean when I think of the word 'love' anymore. Unfortunately, I know I'm done with him. The word 'hate' is feeling more appropriate and it's about time I finally accept it.

I realize now, that I haven't been in love with him for a long time. Ever since he started acting like a jerk, just before our first anniversary. When I met him, I thought he was my soul mate, however, as the months went by, his attitude towards me started to change and my impressions of him changed. Dean's new position as a financial director went to his head, and now he thinks he's superior to me and he loves reminding me of the fact.

Regardless of anything else, the passion in our relationship is gone. The sex has gotten boring, and I don't see myself with him five years from now. I don't even see myself with him next week. I have to admit though, I'm not looking forward to breaking up with Dean, because he tends to get really mad when he suffers any rejection. Actually, mad is probably an understatement. I'm afraid he'll get really nasty when I tell him it's over.

I've seen him turn nasty before, when he was arguing with an old girlfriend, and I didn't like it. He scared me. He was a different person; he wasn't Dean Hurley anymore. He was an asshole –

cursing, provoking his ex-girlfriend and being a total jerk. I was ashamed to be his girlfriend when I saw him behaving the way he did.

It isn't the only time I've seen the darker side of his personality. Months ago, we were attending a Christmas party with his colleagues, just having some fun, when one of his assistants started dancing with me. There was nothing untoward going on, we were only having fun, but Dean didn't like it.

Maybe he'd had too much to drink. He escorted me out to the hallway, and as soon as we were in private, he pushed me up against the wall and started calling me names that I'd rather not recall. He took delight in insulting me, and made me feel like trash. He told me I was his, and other men were not allowed to talk with me, or dance with me. Dean's a very jealous man and he's great at destroying my self-esteem. After he was done yelling, we left the party. Dean told everyone I was sick.

I cried the whole night. He didn't hit me, in fact, he never has, but his words were designed to destroy me. He calls me 'a parasite', 'a useless bitch', or 'a fucking whore. Whenever Dean is with me, he's controlling and covetous, and always has been. When we're with his friends, his behavior is more controlled. It's the only reason I've managed to stay with him for this long.

Most of the time, we're with his friends, so he's polite and courteous. To be honest, being alone in Seattle is what scares me the most, and it's the main reason I've stayed with Dean for so long.

I'll need to break up with him in a public place; somewhere he'll be wary of losing control. Maybe we could go to a park. I'm getting nervous, just thinking about actually going through with this. My stomach is in knots and a shiver runs down my spine. I need to calm down. Tomorrow night, it's going to be over, and I'll be free. I feel better already, knowing I'm so close to getting rid of him.