Chapter Twenty-Seven

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Mikaela Martin | Present

"Mikaela! Mikaela!"

I wrench open my eyes. "Mom?"

Shouldn't she be at work?

"Honey, I need you to wake up, okay?"

I rub my eyes, yawning and stretching. "Why? What happened?"

"There was an accident."

"What?" The exhaustion is gone now. There's only pure anxiety and fear.

"Honey, Peyton was in an accident."

Every last molecule of oxygen vanishes from the room. I gasp for air, and I feel it in my windpipe, but nothing settles into my lungs. Black spots flutter before my eyes, but I can't lose consciousness. I need to know...

"He's at the hospital now."

"Is..." I can't finish the question.

"Let's go to the hospital, okay? He's in surgery now, but his mother said the doctors are hopeful."

Hopeful. Hopeful is a scary word. Hopeful means disappointment is a possibility. Hopeful has no guarantees, just faith. Hope isn't enough.

"I've got a bra, deodorant, and hair elastics in my purse. You just need to put some new pants on, alright? There's a pair laid out on your desk." Mom points to jeans folded neatly on top of my math homework. "Go ahead and change. I'm not looking."

My entire body trembles, which makes putting on pants nearly impossible. Finally, I lie down on my bed and yank them up like I'm trying to squeeze in a muffin top. I have to appreciate that Mom doesn't laugh. She just pulls me to my feet and guides me into the car.

"Where?" I whisper. "The accident, where was it?"

Mom sighs. "The intersection of Spruce and Harvest."

Peyton lives on Spruce Street. In order to drive to my house, he takes a left onto Harvest Road. He was going to come over.

I peek at my phone and see what I feared. A text from Peyton.

Peyton: Hi Mikaela! I feel fine my head doesn't even hurt I'm coming over to see u. Love u hope ur okay

Sobs rip through me, tearing me apart from the inside. My body convulses and shakes. My vision grows blurry. Mom is speaking to me, but I can't decipher a word.

This is my fault. I should have told Denise that he was thinking of visiting me.

"Mikaela!" Mom shouts. "Mikaela! We're at the hospital. If you want to go inside, you're going to need to calm down."

Impossible. I can only respond with a wail, followed by a whimper that this is my fault. Because it is. I could have stopped this from happening, but I didn't.

"It isn't your fault, honey. You had no way of knowing he was going to try driving. We don't even know for sure if he was coming to see you," she says.

"He was," I whisper. I need her to know, need someone to know what a monster I am. I can't bear this burden alone.

"Mi—"

"He texted me."

"You were asleep. You couldn't have known what he was doing," she says softly.

But I should have known. Peyton is the most caring person in the world. Of course he'd try to see me to make sure I was okay after Cooper...

Cooper.

Cooper is being put to sleep this morning. He could be gone already, or he could be waiting at the vet, unaware of what's to come...

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