Behind Closed Doors

Chapter Nineteen

As it happened, Henry released the money that Phoenix had asked for, and then the shooting of the movie Innocence Defined began. He just delegated the power to supervise and control the workings of the production to his mother and then faced other things he had to do.

Even though he saw a lot of Phoenix, and was able to take him out for lunch and dinner whenever his busy schedule could allow, he also found that he was in some unexplainable way, afraid of the guy. He was really terrified of the feelings that Phoenix evoked in him, and he believed that the young actor was toxic to his sanity. The guy was a beauty, one with the ability to charm and worm his way into receiving whatever he wanted from anybody. If the guy had been a woman he would have been a femme fatale and a heartbreaker. But he was a man, a very controversial one that sparked furious debates about his sexuality in the tabloids, and Henry was always thinking that he had to stay clear from the guy.

But I am gay and I want him, he always admitted to his mind vehemently. He had read somewhere that once a person accepts a particular facet of one’s life, then there would be an accompanying self-acceptance. He had riled at his soul for his homosexuality, he had cursed his nature for making him what he was. But all that had not worked; instead there was the raging fires that burned in him, and he had to admit that part of his life to his soul, and fuck all the homophobic bastards out there who were nothing but self-righteous pricks that had nothing to do with their lives save to look for those they would destroy their lives.

In the early days of June, with the rains beating down now to the earth with a vengeance, Henry decided to go one day and visit the set of the movie where his mother and his lover were working. There was the usual crowd to be seen at any movie location; there were the actors, the crew, and the makeup artists and hair persons. Rosalie Johnson was there with the rest, but she was on the lawn, dressed in sweatpants, and she was skipping rope.

Henry made to go and say hi to her but she shooed him off and continued to get on with her routine, and she was tossing the words over her shoulder that he would love to go and see the things he had paid for with his money. But she had gotten the point across that she was not to be disturbed from her routine for anything in the world, and that included him. Her body was more important than anything.

When he went into the house, it was the voice of two persons talking from the direction of the kitchen that drew his attention, so he went to that direction, and then he stopped short. Standing in the middle of the room was Phoenix, and the guy was dressed as, and looked like the most beautiful woman Henry had ever seen. The guy was dressed in a long sheath dress that accentuated his long frame, and the length of his glossy black wig cascaded down his back; the line of his natural brows had been altered with eyebrow pencil. He looked very beautiful as a woman, and his new eyes were decidedly blank, and narrowed－ he’d gotten himself new hazel contacts that looked magnificent with his brown face. He looked shockingly beautiful there.

But there was nothing much for them to say to each other because of the crowd of persons that were around the house. So, he stood by as the actors performed, and he had to say that Phoenix was truly good at what he was doing even if he had to say so himself. There was the cloud of perfume permeating from him, and Henry had to swear right then that he had fallen truly and irrevocably in love with the guy, and if he wasn’t careful, then that could be his doom.

Later on he drove back home, and there was Fiona in the living room, eating a bowl of fruits, her eyes fixed on the TV set before her, though she occasionally was able to tear her eyes away from the screen to look at the twins who were crawling all over the floor, playing with the innocence and joy only a little kid can emit. For several moments he stared at his wife, feeling very sorry for her, that she had to deal with his sexuality which she knew nothing about, and he felt his mind clouded by the restrictions imposed on him. But when she looked up and saw him, he had to plaster that fake, happy smile on his face.