Out Of Time | A Shelby

eleven

Arthur hadn't stopped thinking about Nancy since the evening they spent together. The way he felt inside when she looked up at him with her deep brown eyes was like a drug, and he'd felt as if he was on a comedown ever since she left.

He wished he'd kissed her. It was a painful regret, the type that made his stomach turn when he was trying to sleep at night. The only thing he saw when he closed his eyes was Nancy's face. Her white skin and dark eyes, the way her hair framed her face so perfectly and her red tainted lips that were parted ever so slightly as she gazed at him. He struggled to think of anything else.

He couldn't help but wonder what might've happened had Vincent not came downstairs at the exact moment Arthur's fingers touched her skin. Would he have kissed her, or would he have been to afraid? Should he have kissed her? Or was it too soon for both of them, fresh out of marriages, still with a lot of baggage.

He'd never know.

Time had passed and it seemed like Nancy and her son were living their life the way they'd hoped. Peacefully and safely. Arthur hadn't seen either of them, nor had he seen Henry in The Garrison. He wondered if they were happy, if Nancy was financially sound or if she struggled to provide for the two of them. He knew she wouldn't be making much money, but it wasn't his place to pry.

Esme and Nancy were still very close. They spent most Saturdays together, leaving the boys with Finn to babysit while they drank together, having a few hours as just Nancy and Esme instead of being mothers.

"God," Nancy sighed, feeling slightly tipsy after finishing a bottle of wine to herself, "It's been a while since, you know."

Esme just laughed and shook her head.

"I know plenty of men who'd jump at the chance to crawl into bed with you, Nance. Just say the word."

Nancy smiled and rolled her eyes.

"It seems like I don't have time, all I do is work and run around after Vin. I can't imagine having the energy or hours in the day to be intimate with somebody."

"Hours? I wish."

The girls shared a laugh and carried on drinking. The Cross Keys was busy for a Saturday night and full of unfamiliar faces. Nancy and Esme did their best to avoid The Garrison when they went out, Esme wanting some time away from her husband and his family when she could.

"How is it? Being married to a Peaky Blinder?"

Esme let out a deep sigh and poured herself some more wine.

"Different. I came from a family of travellers, never stepped foot in a house that didn't have wheels. All of a sudden my life changed. Although it was quick, I'm glad it was John that met me at the altar and not one of the other brothers."

"Oh," Nancy raised an eyebrow, "How come?"

Esme paused for a moment, licking her lips. Nancy though all the Shelby's were nice people. Granted, she had a prejudice about them before properly getting to know them all, but that was quickly overwritten once she realised how kind they were.

"Thomas is difficult. He's firm and he's blunt and he quite frankly doesn't give a fuck. He's happily married now though, two children, his wife is a saint. He just feels cold, I can't imagine him loving somebody, but obviously he does. And then Finn, well, he was just a boy when I met John."

"What about Arthur?" Nancy pried, wondering what her thoughts on the eldest Shelby were.

"Arthur fucking Shelby, where do I start?" Esme just laughed and drank some of her wine, "He has a heart of gold. He is the sweetest man I know, he'd do anything for anybody. I mean, you've seen him with your boy, haven't you? I used to like his ex-wife Linda, but no."

Esme pulled a sour face and shook her head at the mentioning of Linda. Nancy thought back to the day she confronted her in Esme's front room. She seemed angry, possessive and jealous, but from what she'd heard, Linda was the one being unfaithful to Arthur.

"Nasty piece of work. Broke my heart when I caught her with another bloke. I know it completely shattered Arthur. He seems like a complete mad man, I was terrified of him at first, but deep down, he's far more in tune with his emotions than any of his brothers, by a mile."

Nancy felt upset at the thought of a woman betraying Arthur. He had been nothing but kind to her from the moment they met. Esme's description seemed right, he was kind and gentle, warm and inviting, even if at first glance he looked like he'd kill you without hesitating.

But Nancy had seen the other side to Arthur. She'd seen him extend his care to them, she'd watched him offer up a bed for her and her son. She'd seen him take care of Vincent and calm him when he was upset. She'd seen the man that Arthur Shelby really was, and it was heartbreaking for her to know that anybody could ever have abused that.

"So, why wouldn't you have wanted Arthur to be the one you married?"

Esme looked at Nancy with a sad smile on her lips.

"Arthur is troubled. All the boys are. They took a hard hit in the war, it took its toll on all of them. John suffers still, I know Thomas has days where he struggles, too. But Arthur got it the worst. I think that's why Linda took herself elsewhere, she couldn't cope with it. Not that it's an excuse, she knew exactly what she was signing up for when she said her vows."

This didn't shock Nancy. She knew there was obvious some trauma in Arthur's life otherwise she wouldn't have had to yank him down from the bridge that night, but she didn't realise quite how badly he was suffering.

"Gosh," Nancy sighed, "I didn't realise how hard he had it."

Esme shrugged her shoulders and looked at Nancy. She wasn't blind, she'd seen the way Arthur occasionally stole a glance at the young blonde beauty, but it was only ever a stolen glance, never more, never less. She wanted her brother-in-law to be happy, but at the same time, she wasn't sure that Nancy could handle Arthur, especially not after what she'd been through.

Nancy needed stability, safety, and normality. Although some days it might seem like the eldest Shelby could've been everything Nancy needed, Esme knew that on his dark days, he could be like a land mine waiting to be stepped on.

"How are you doing, anyway? You feeling happier in yourself?"

Nancy smiled and nodded. She was feeling happier, much happier. She felt safe in her new home, she enjoyed her routine of dropping Vincent off at school and then heading to work. She'd even managed to make some friends which was new to her, Henry never allowed her to have so much as acquaintances, let alone friendships with people.

"Better. I feel like my life is getting back on track. I've officially changed my name back too, and Vin's taken my maiden name. Nancy and Vincent Evans."

Esme smiled at her friend. She was proud at how she'd tackled everything head on. The poor girl hadn't even reached her twenty fifth birthday and had already been through an unimaginable amount of time spent in hell, but she'd come out the other side with a smile on her face.

"Sometimes though," she continued, chewing on her lip, "I do miss having somebody around. I love Vincent, I do, but it's the presence of a man, the conversation, the kisses. It's not like Henry showered me in love and affection but once in a blue moon when he did...I do miss that."

Esme reached out and placed her hand on top of Nancy's. She knew exactly how she was feeling. When John was away, the fear and worry that her husband might not return home was sickening. Her home felt empty, even though she had her boys, but without a man by her side, she felt like she wasn't complete. Esme knew how lucky she was to have John.

"Nancy," she smiled, "You are a beautiful young woman with so much life ahead of you. You have a darling of a little boy and I know that you'll meet a man one day that'll sweep you off your feet and give you and Vincent the life you deserve. If anybody deserves happiness in this world, it's you."