Out Of Time | A Shelby

seventeen

"Where would we be?"

Arthur was sat in the front room of Nancy's home. Vincent was upstairs playing with his toys and Nancy had just poured a fresh cup of tea for the both of them.

Neither of them had said a word on their short walk from outside the school gates to Nancy's house. It was a spur of the moment decision for them to spend more time together, but Arthur struggled to give Nancy an answer to her question so suddenly.

He suggested that they go back to her house to talk. It was as if he'd suddenly thought of a million and one things he wanted to say to her, the days and weeks of moping around, reminding himself of everything he'd lost had piled on top of one another, giving him no choice but to get things off his chest.

He sat with the cup of tea in his hands, sipping it quietly as he watched Nancy from the corner of his eye as she picked up Vincent's shoes and coat from the floor.

Eventually, she sat down beside him. It took her a moment, but Arthur watched as she took a small breath and nodded reassuringly to herself before she turned to face him.

"Arthur I don't know-"

"I'm sorry."

Arthur wasn't sure why he interrupted her so suddenly, but it felt like his apology had been lingering for too long.

"You're sorry?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated, swallowing before carrying on, "I'm sorry for how I handled things. I'm sorry for telling you one thing and then going and doing the complete opposite. I'm sorry for spending too much time with you and for making you feel the way you feel. I'm not the type of person you deserve, Nancy. You need someone you can depend on, I'm not him."

It hurt Arthur as he spoke. He knew he was bad news for Nancy, despite how much he thought of her, but it was another thing to have to tell her that to her face.

"What are you talking about?"

Nancy looked puzzled, a hint of sadness made her eyes glow like the moon on a cloudy night.

"I'm no good, Nance. No matter how much I want you, want to care for you and protect you, I know that at the end of the day, you don't want to be dealing with me and the way my mind can be. It's not fair."

"I don't understand, Arthur. I don't get this at all, I-"

"I'm fucked up, Nance. That's the bottom line of it."

Arthur sighed loudly and threw his head into his hands, gripping his hair out of frustration and squeezing his eyes shut to try and calm himself down.

Nancy stayed perfectly still. She watched as he consoled himself, noticing him whispering things to himself as he took deep breaths.

"I'm sorry for shouting," Arthur said when he finally looked at her again.

Nancy just shook her head, "Never apologise for the way you are. It's not your fault."

Arthur felt his heart swell as she smiled at him warmly. Out of every outburst he'd ever had, big or small, Linda had never once told him that it was alright. She had never tried to calm him or tell him that it couldn't be helped. She only ever made him feel like it was all his fault.

"It sounds like you're making excuses, perhaps?"

Nancy's suggestion hurt Arthur. He saw the fear on her face as she spoke and the way she fiddled with the chain of the necklace around her neck, waiting for him to say something.

"That's not true," he shook his head, "There's nothing more I want to do than to, to be there for you and love you. I want to make sure you're safe and happy and I want you to feel appreciated. I want you to experience what you should've experienced with Henry. I want to give you and your boy everything in the world but, but-"

"But what, Arthur?" Nancy reached out and took Arthur's hand in her own, "What's stopping you?"

He looked down at the way Nancy's tiny knuckles were gripping his hand. Her skin was soft but her touch felt like fire. He looked up at her and saw the way she was looking at him and he once again got caught in her eyes.

"I'm not good enough for a woman like you. Look at you, you look like you should be in Hollywood with all them blokes that drive around in fancy cars with champagne and expensive clothes. You don't want some pub owner from Small Heath with his head still stuck in the trenches."

Nancy dropped his hand and rose to her feet. She had her jaw clenched and as Arthur looked at her, it was as if her eyes had switched from the moon to the sun, filled with fire and rage, her fists balled in anger.

"You don't get to tell me what I do or don't deserve," she started, shaking her head, "You don't get to tell me who I should like or shouldn't like, if I suit someone or don't. That decision isn't yours to make, Arthur. It's mine."

Arthur said nothing, taken aback as she stood before him, her voiced raised in a way he'd never heard from her before.

"I know what I want," she continued, "I know exactly what I want and I'm fully aware of everything that might come with it but that's a decision only I can make, you don't get to make that for me. The only thing standing in the way of me getting what I want is you, Arthur."

Arthur had never felt wanted before. Not like he did in that moment, anyway. He remembered the way he felt on his wedding day and the way his heart flared up as he slid the ring onto Linda's finger, but that didn't compare to the way he felt looking at Nancy.

She wanted him, every piece of him. Arthur didn't know it was possible to be desired on an emotional level. He knew women feigned interested in him for status, money or free alcohol, but he knew Nancy wasn't in this for those reasons. Why would she be?

Arthur knew she was right. He also knew exactly what he wanted, and it was the same thing Nancy wanted, but the only obstacle he had to overcome was himself.

"Nance," Arthur whispered as he stood up beside her, letting out a sigh, "I just don't know if I'm enough for-"

Nancy kissed him. She grabbed his face with her hands as she stood on her tiptoes and smashed her lips onto his, silencing his objections after deciding that enough was enough.

Arthur melted, pulling her into him tightly and kissing her back like he'd never kissed another woman before. He felt like the weight on his chest was lifting and he could breathe again, like the colour that had slowly been draining out of his world had come back again, but brighter. He felt like everything was right when he kissed Nancy, and he knew he never wanted to feel any other way.

"Arthur Shelby, you are more than I could ever hope to find in somebody. I wish you could see the man that I see."